jump to navigation

Move On From The Friend Who Couldn’t Move with You February 4, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Moving, Relationships.

I find that it’s the same old story – you meet new people, you make connections, before you know it you’re going out for drinks, getting together for birthdays, and telling them your deepest thoughts and fears. Then, you get a new job, you relocate, you go to school and the friends that promised you now and forever can’t even make time to send a two-line text. It’s really flabbergasting, and it’s not okay. Sometimes it’s scary to admit that you’re sad, sometimes it’s embarrassing to say that someone just simply didn’t want to be your friend for no good reason, but someone’s got to say it so others know that it’s not just them.

Many of our loyal readers know that DLIH relocated to Chicago over a year ago. Prior to this move, I wrote some of my favorite people an e-mail, explaining my decision to move, and thanking them for always being so supportive of me. In response to this e-mail I received a very heartfelt note about how sad and shocked one of my girlfriends was about my move, we weren’t the best of friends but we had become closer and I was equally as touched by her letter and sad that we wouldn’t be seeing each other regularly anymore. When I said goodbye, I cried and I hugged her and I never one thought we’d never talk again…but we really never did. Shortly after relocating, I texted her for some advice, and got a fairly normal but slightly short response. There were a couple of jokes shared between us, mostly me on the joking end and her simply answering “haha”, or “LOL”. Slowly, the responses stopped, and one night, when I found out she was thinking about coming to Chicago I sent a message telling her to let me know because I’d love to see her, but a nothing came of it. I realized that we weren’t friends, and we weren’t ever going to be again. And it really sucked. I felt betrayed for a very long time, and hurt, and angry. FriendshipsI didn’t do anything wrong, and she didn’t say or not say anything in particular, it just became very apparent that to her, I was out of sight, so I was also out of mind.

Some people can’t move with you, whether this is physical or metaphorical. People you spent everyday with in college are now nowhere to be found, maybe there’s an occasional, socially accepted Christmas card, or a rare “Like” on Facebook, but you’re lunch-together-everyday relationship faded into not speaking at all in a matter of months. There are a lot of people out there who are your friend when they need you, and then forget about you when they need someone else, they don’t do this intentionally, they don’t actually even realize what they’re doing but it’s hard to be on the receiving end of being forgotten.

It’s like they say men can’t multi-task, maybe there are people out there who can’t multi-friend; maybe there are individuals who are the greatest friend in the world when they can be, but they can only be that for one or two or three people, and not for many. So, what do we do? What do we do when we’re planning a birthday party, or a wedding, and we realize that there’s no one to help us, or we aren’t even sure who genuinely wants to show up? We move on. Hurt doesn’t go away, but life goes on, we build things for ourselves, we get a great job, we go to the gym and make sure we’re healthy and happy and most importantly, we wish no harm on those who forgot they needed to be our friend.

Hurt is justifiable and no one can take that away from you. No one can say that what others do to you is right, no one can tell you that their actions are okay or reasonable, but what you can do is learn to live your life in the moment and not dwell on the past. Know that some people are just bad friends, some people are only friends when they can be, and some people will be your friends forever, some may even come in and out of your life. We all have some slinky, bumpy path we’re on and if we meet just the right people they’ll hold your hand down that road, but what makes us who we are is often the journeys we take alone, so allow yourself to share those experiences but remember that you may need to learn some of them alone.



No comments yet — be the first.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: