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Here Comes The Stress July 20, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Following Your Dreams, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Wedding.
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A little over three weeks ago I made a solemn DLIH promise to be more active, post more articles, and long wedding_4story short, just be better. Then I went on two back-to-back vacations and, oh yeah, got a little ring to wear on my left hand. Traveling has never stopped me from posting before, so being overseas wasn’t necessarily the issue. The problem arose when all my “free” time was now suddenly filled with wedding ideas and planning. Let me just say, I’ve watched a lot of TLC and WE in my day so I was full prepared to not be a Bridezilla and not let this wedding take over my life, I also didn’t want DLIH to become wedding central. So, with my mind on a wedding and a wedding on my mind, you can imagine all other ideas involving life and writing were few and far between.

Then something occurred to me, talking about my wedding, or any wedding, does not mean writing a nine paragraph post on how to make a doily or pick out candle wax colors. What I am realizing is that I am feeling very alone in this process, this process that has been glorified by so many people before me. In all my searches online I have found all the standard advice “Take deep breaths”, “Don’t make rash decisions”, “Do what you want to do, not what your guests want”, but I haven’t found any real advice. No one told me that getting married involves hours and hours of research, you write countless e-mails and make a series of phone calls to no avail. Half the time you have to follow-up, you get a voicemail system, or you just don’t hear the answers you want. It’s a part-time job, sometimes a full-time job, and while the end result is worth it, no one really tells you how much of your life it’s going to consumer.

I always thought I’d be that bride that was cool, calm and collected. A. I’m not spending $80,000, B. I do events for a living,  this should all be second nature to me and C. I am more organized that The Container Store, yet I’ve spent more time freaking out and crying then planning and I haven’t been engaged a month yet. I never thought it would be this hard, because I didn’t know. So, I figured, there have got to be other brides out there, or girls, or guys, who really don’t know anything about weddings, just like me. My parents did not have a big wedding, I don’t have older siblings, and I’m the first out of my bridal party to be having a wedding. You can read all the articles you want, but no one is going to know how it feels expect the person the process.

I’m learning a lot, and to not share your knowledge with those who need it is just mean! I can’t say I have a lot of wisdom to impart quite yet, but I have learned one very valuable thing. When you get engaged, everyone is around to celebrate with you, and scream and shout, and cry with you. However, when you start planning, everyone is looking to you for answers, they are asking you questions and giving opinions and it can be incredibly overwhelming. Planning this has made me feel like it’s my fiancé and I against the entire world, it’s has only reaffirmed that this is the person I want to marry and spend the rest of my life with and this wedding, these napkin choices, are going to be small blemishes on the obstacles we will face in life.

The first piece of advice I would give is this: A wedding should bring you closer, it should make you happy to sleep side by side that person every night. Even when you feel like your efforts are hopeless, there is a second person in it with you, no matter what. Even if you have to get married in a paper bag next to a muddy creak, it shouldn’t matter, because they will be there, making sure that it’s the best paper bag in the world. 

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