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How to Be a Bride (Non-Psycho Version) September 24, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in How To, marriage, Men, Relationships, Wedding, Women.
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They say when you are about to die your life flashes before your eyes (sorry, morbid, keep reading!). Well, I would say when you get engaged your life sort of flashes before your eyes too. You see that little girl, with a ring pop; you see you and you friends talking about what kind of dress you want to have; you remember every wedding you ever went to and how you teared up during the vows; you think about the yet to be determined future and how amazing it will be!

high-society-bride-cartoonThere is a stigma about brides and that they are crazy, and some of them do! In interviewing vendors I’ve heard some horror stories; girls who want a sunset kiss photo but also want the photographer to get their portraits in front of a statue on the other side of town. Brides who changed their seating chart the day before and didn’t tell anyone. Couples who wanted fourteen bridesmaids and groomsmen to walk down the aisle, but only wanted to spend twenty-minutes at their ceremony. Some girls think their wedding is a challenge to make the impossible happen. Luckily, most of us are not like that, but what we want our friends and family to know is that WE ARE STILL F!%@ EXCITED, so leave us alone!

Yes, I know my wedding is a year away but what many people forget is that, for a girl, this is something that has been decades in the making, so something as little as a year is practically tomorrow in a girl’s mind. When you’re graduating college, you don’t want to think about it because every little step along the way gives you anxiety, but when you’re a bride every little thing you do along the way is like a tiny party that happens in your brain, confetti literally goes off every single time. It makes you excited, and you want to think about it, talk about it, share it with someone. In fact, some days it’s all you can think about, and you don’t mind at all. Sometimes, this can cause problems with people – like, sort of for example, your groom.

People who aren’t in your brainwave see things differently. To them, there is a calendar year and there is a list of things to do, plain and simple. To you, there is glitter falling from the sky everywhere you walk and with each step a flower blooms, with each vendor you hire a puppy with a bow runs through a field, as each month goes by you feel like your hair gets shinier, your eyes become sparkly-er, and your diamond ring gets bigger. When other people don’t see what you see, it can be hurtful, because to you it seems like they don’t think this is important, they don’t understand that it’s your moment. To you the world is exploding with lace, to them, it’s just another thing they have to do in a long list of to-do’s they already have outside of this wedding.

I’ve only been engaged for just short of three months, but I’ve already battled this. So, here’s my take on how to navigate reality while still letting a rainbow follow you around:

Step one, communication – and this is nothing new. If you’re getting married you’ve done this before, and you’re going to do it again, and again, and again, and again. There is nothing wrong with explaining to your friends, or your groom, how you feel and why their reactions seem hurtful, even though you know they’re not trying to make you feel bad.

Step two, realize that you are the only one in your champagne bubble, and that’s okay. I, of all people, understand wanting to talk about every tiny, little, minute detail, (I have already planned out the order of my processional, and drew a diagram, because I could.), just keep in mind that other people might not be there yet, so make it brief and don’t get too offended when they aren’t jumping for joy.

Step three, just do it! Don’t go Bridezilla crazy, but if no one wants be all doilies and peonies with you, then who cares, do it yourself. Imagine it’s like having a glass of wine, you don’t necessarily need someone else to do it with, it’s just a nice addition. Pinterest the hell out of your wedding! You’re only going to get to do this once, so do it your way – without alienating your entire guest list.

Taking the Red Pill – Part II September 18, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Finances, Following Your Dreams, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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Read The Fear of Taking the Red Pill – Part I here!

Design your own life, huh? Design your own life. Often times, when I’m looking for DLIH inspiration or reposts, I scour the internet for things that I think will be helpful or encouraging to twenty-something’s out there. When I stumbled upon Gilbert Ross’s article last month, I was so drawn in by the words on my screen. I felt like the universe had pushed me, head first, into that webpage. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

When I left my fulltime job six months ago, I had a plan. Just because you have a plan doesn’t mean you do anything about it. Albert Einstein said, “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” Everyone can sit down and write out a plan, all it is, is pen to paper. Sure, it’s a step, but if you take no action on that plan, then what was the point? Does it just make a pretty picture? The value is seeing your plan through, not just talking about how successful you want to be. For the last six months my friends and family had been telling me “do something about your plan. Just try!” In the back of my mind I knew I needed to, I knew they were right but I still didn’t do anything about it. The truth is, I was, and still am, absolutely terrified. I think the hardest part wasn’t taking the first step, it was admitting why I wasn’t doing anything about it. Telling people you’re scared is hard.Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 10.41.03 PM

I won’t lie and tell you that after I got the ball rolling things were easy, they actually got harder. There is an element of embarrassment that comes with starting over in your late twenties. Putting yourself out there for jobs you are overqualified for or to be an intern is difficult, it makes you very vulnerable. Think about when you get rejected for your dream job, it sucks, but at least you tried; now think about when you get rejected for a job you are 100% perfect for, it’s annoying. Now, envision you get rejected for an internship when you’ve been in the workforce for ten years and have loads of experience…what is that, if not embarrassing?

It’s also hard to follow your dream when you’re a grown-up because you still need to earn money, somewhat. I’m lucky that I’m not flipping burgers or ringing items up at Target, I have a part-time jobs that’s in line with my career path but, once again, I’m being bossed around by managers younger than me, or often asked if “I’m in school” or “if this is my summer job”. No, I’m an adult. In fact, I’m so adult that the majority of my friends are either, married, have kids, or a mortgage, or all three! I don’t remember the last time I was out past 11pm and my favorite thing to do is watch movies with my cat. Ask me again if I’m “old enough to drink”, I dare you.

I’m not saying all these things because I want to stifle anyone’s ambitions. I’m saying them because I am confident there are other people out there who are starting over in their twenties and they are going through exactly this. When you’re tired, or confused, or don’t know which step to take next, remember that if not now, then when? One of my friends said something encouraging to me recently; I was telling her, over lunch, how hard this was, what bad timing it was with my wedding and all, and she just sat their with this huge smile on her face as I poured my heart out all over my salad. Then she said to me, “I think this is the perfect time.” It wasn’t much, but she brought a different outlook to the situation. There are people out there who reinvent themselves at 50. It might feel like we’re in a pressure cooker, like we have to make smart choices right now, right this second, because we want to have a nice life in three-five years, but take a step back and look around – people with three kids change careers, people who are forty-five go back to school, if it means having a happier life or following your dream you should do it, you will figure out how to conquer the obstacles later, and you will conquer them.

If starting over when you’re a little older has one advantage it’s that you have been through the ringer once before, you know how to handle life and you’re less flustered when things hit you. The last time you did this you were probably in college or simply younger and you were naive, you thought you’d get a dream job and have a penthouse apartment by the time you were thirty. Now, you know what life is, and how it works and you can handle it, even if you think you can’t. You can.

Just remember, if other people can do it, then you can. You can.

Remember When…Back To School Happened September 4, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Education, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Remember When.
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3fc579b7948726e53bff5247a0d5d2c0Recently, all I’ve been seeing are commercials for back to school clothes, back to school supplies, and back to school sales. As someone who hasn’t gone “back to school” in a long time, these commercials usually signal the freedom of the sidewalks and the parks, I’ll finally be able to walk to the store without a twelve-year-old whizzing past me on a skateboard. However, the other day I was sitting in a good ole Applebee’s and two school age girls behind me were desperately texting all their friends to find out which classes they had. It was all they could talk about as the replies poured in. Rather than feeling excited, I felt nostalgic. DLIH hasn’t seen a Remember When post in some time! So here’s a little ode to those precious back to school moments, the good, the bad, the “adorable”.

The sweet, yet somewhat depressing, memoirs of a once-was-a-fourteen-year-old:

Remember when…:

  • Getting your school supplies list was horrible…but then once you got into Office Depot you just couldn’t stop yourself from buying everything.
  • Finding out which lunch period your best friends had was crucial! and finding out they didn’t have the same lunch as you was probably the worst thing that could have ever happened.
  • Everyone walked in the first day of school with brand new, shiny shoes, and then all you heard was squeaking for the next month.
  • Waiting, anxiously, to see how your crush changed over the summer and finding out they had only become hotter! Hoping the “mean girls” would come back hideous, and realizing they, too, only came back hotter and had a new car.
  • Making your locker perfectly color coded, organized, and decorated…but having it last only one week.
  • Procrastinating on your summer reading list, only to spend the last week of summer locked in your bedroom in a last-ditch effort to finish it.
  • The refreshing smell of fall, new plastic, and floor wax…everywhere.
  • Carefully plotting which classes you had with which friends and how you would walk together, while simultaneously planning how you’d escape to see friends you didn’t have classes with.
  • The sheer awkwardness of new kids, and sizing them up to determine if you want to be friends with them or not.
  • Feeling like you were one step cooler because you were one grade older…and if you were a senior, thinking you were the epitome of everything amazing in this world.
  • Waiting to see who made varsity football and wondering how this will, or potentially could, affect your social status
  • Scanning the new and familiar faces on the school bus like you were Iron Man.
  • Picking this year’s SPOT for you and your friends to hang out, and make it known that your group had claimed it.
  • Mentally picking out who you were going to get rides from…and how.
  • Hearing the clicking of heels in the hallway and having that sheer terror wash over you…suddenly remembering why you love summer so much.