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The Do’s and Don’ts of Awkward Significant Other Meetings March 3, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

We’ve all had that moment, we’re meeting our friend’s significant other and could say it’s a little less than what we’d like to be doing that day. Sometimes those meetings are loads of fun but many times they’re just a ball of anxiety in your stomach until you get it over with. Speaking from experience, here are some fun and supportive ways to get through it…and maybe even enjoy it! 

 Your Best Friend’s New Girlfriend 

It’s always exciting when your friend tells you they’re dating someone new! The first thing you always says is “I can’t wait to meet her!” so when you do, remember to respect that this is hard for her so never make her feel like an outsider, invite her in! Meeting a significant other who’s a guy is different, men don’t feel as territorial over friends but women can become very judgmental if they feel another girl is taking their place, so while you should be cautious no matter what gender your best friend’s significant other is, be particularly aware of your behavior if you are the same sex. 

Do!: Talk to them! Never talk around someone, if you’re telling a story tell it to them and use phrases like “You’ll never believe what he did, let me tell you!” or “I have to tell you about this one time he totally embarrassed himself”. This will not only make the night fun but it will make her feel part of the picture and like you accept her. Even if she says or does something wrong, don’t call her out, this isn’t the time or the place. Feel free to voice what you know, but in an open or kind way. 

Don’t!: Talk around her – try not to use words like “we” or “us”, it will make her feel like an outsider, like you don’t want her taking away your best guy friend. Don’t ignore her either, if she also has a statement or story, listen, even if you think it’s dumb or not entertaining. Not everyone you meet will be a winner, but the first meeting is not for you to act rude, it’s to get to know them. They may surprise you! (more…)

Things Your Little Sister Won’t Understand August 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

When I was about twenty, I would run into a lot of jaded women who had nothing nice to say about men or relationships. “Oh, all that romantic stuff, that’ll end”, or “Ha!, you can never trust a man!” It always bothered me, I felt like, as someone who was younger, you would want to encourage me and teach me and allow me to grow, not just shoot me down and tell me to lower my expectations of relationships. I also didn’t believe what they told me, sure not every relationship is perfect, and sure some people have had bad experiences, but what about those couples celebrating their 40th year wedding anniversary, or that family with three under three and they are still so in love – it doesn’t have to turn bad and boring. However, now that I am the same age as those women, I also laugh at my former self. There is a very distinct line between thinking the world will be a perfect beautiful place, and then the truth of being in a relationship. I recently stumbled upon this gem – “24 Real Facts of Actual Couples…” I sat down and read it with some of my gal pals, also in relationships, and not only did we have a good, solid laugh, but we also almost threw up all over the place. This article was put together by someone who A. probably isn’t in a longterm real relationship or B. Doesn’t know what one is. So, we decided to combat this article and give you the actual REAL version of these 24 REAL couples. (more…)

July Needs Some Ketch-Up June 27, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Beauty, Dating, GoodGuys File, Health and Fitness, Jobs and Work, Ketch-up, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Review.
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It’s KETCH-UP WEEK at Doing Laundry in Heels! June has been a rollercoaster of articles, SK traveling, Pascal resurfacing, and even with all that, it still needs some ketchup! So here’s what’s been on the grill this month and what’s been hot!

The Real Life Rules of Respect and Honesty – By Pascal
Respect and honesty are funny things. As far as my experience goes, everyone wants to be respected, and really, most people think they deserve respect in one manner or another, but what are the rules on respect? In the same vein, “honesty is always the best policy” and “relationships are based on honesty”…right?…Read more!

Turning Pretend into Reality
Many of us are very hard on ourselves. If we’ve felt like we’ve battled life alone – we are constantly trying to find the next level of achievement. If we came from wealth, or help, or a life that was created to be easy – we want to prove everyone wrong. If you’ve always been a winner – failure is the ultimate defeat. If you’ve rarely been a winner – then winning is the only thing you strive for. Most of us fall into one of these categories, if not a couple, so with people like us, we’re always searching for the next thing, reaching for the next level, wanting to prove to the world that we made it…Read more!

Detaching From The Situation
“You’re a horrible person.”

“You did the opposite of a good job.”

“What made you think this was a good idea?”

“You’re seriously under performing.”

Things we’ve all probably heard at one point or another. Whether it’s coming from a boss, or co-worker, a friend, a parent or a partner, it’s the worst thing to hear and it’s shocking. When you’re sitting at the opposite end of a table and someone looks you dead in the eye and starts telling you that you’re, basically, worthless, your first reaction is shock. In your mind you’re thinking “What is happening right now? Is this for real?”…Read more!

Simple as Sugar – A Review about Simple Sugars Skincare! (Yum)

Anyone who has spent more than ten minutes with me knows that I have an enormous sweet tooth, probably more so than most other people on the planet. If there’s dessert, I’m there, but I recently found a product that is as sweet as sugar (literally!) but rather than making you breakout and plump up, it does something good for your body…Read more!

The Sides of Needing Space – this month’s GoodGuys File
There are two types of people out there, those who need space and those who do not. Most people like to think they’re one kind, but are probably the other. So, what happens when you’re in a relationship and spending the majority, if not almost all, your time with the same person? What happens you ask? Fights, tension, lashing out or snapping for no good reason. Human beings weren’t meant to be alone, but they weren’t meant to be together 24/7 either. Finding the balance in a relationship is a fine line, but it isn’t an invisible one…Read more!

Oh…and by the way, WE TURNED FOUR IN JUNE! and there was lots of cake!

The Sides of Needing Space June 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Apartment Life, Dating, Family, GoodGuys File, Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

There are two types of people out there, those who need space and those who do not. Most people like to think they’re one kind, but are probably the other. So, what happens when you’re in a relationship and spending the majority, if not almost all, your time with the same person? What happens you ask? Fights, tension, lashing out or snapping for no good reason. Human beings weren’t meant to be alone, but they weren’t meant to be together 24/7 either. Finding the balance in a relationship is a fine line, but it isn’t an invisible one.

There are two sides to “I need space” and the only way to make it work, is to understand where the other person is coming from. For people who really do need space, it’s about feeling suffocated. People don’t necessarily want to be without you, they also don’t necessarily want to be alone, they just want some air. Like when you’re stuck in a crowded subway car, or a stuffy office building, you just want to get outside – it’s not that you don’t like where you are, or who you’re with, you just need some air. Space allows people to refocus on their relationship, or other things. For many people, they love their significant other so much, it can difficult to really get other things done while they’re together. They make excuses or procrastinate doing things because it’s easy to just hang out or go out when you’re with the person you like. Alone time lets them work on the other elements on their life like work, career, finances, family and friendships. Sometimes, space doesn’t even mean being alone, it means being apart. Visiting family for a week, going out with friends, or even going to work or out after work can be space. It’s a new setting, a new set of people, and if anything, it generally makes them miss being with you more.

Some people simply don’t need as much space as others, probably because they aren’t used to it. Maybe they are an only child, or have felt a lot of separation in their life. To them, needing space is a synonym for all sorts of things – it means not wanting to be with the other person, it means leaving, it brings up the anxiety of being alone, which for many people can be difficult. For people who aren’t used to being alone, or don’t have a need for it, hearing “I need space” is instantaneously negative. It makes them feel like they’ve done something wrong and they’re being punished, it creates a sense of insecurity and even fear. However, some people, they just don’t need space. They are people persons, they like being social, they like chatting and telling stories and laughing and being around people. Not to say that people who need space aren’t like this, but for some people, life is just boring without others.

So, what’s the right way to go about making it work? First rule of thumb; don’t deny people who need space. Telling someone you don’t want them to have time alone is the fastest way to start the beginning of the end. People don’t like being denied something that’s rightful theres, people also don’t like being bossed around. There are going to be moments, maybe fights, where space is the last thing you want but you’re going to have to let them have it because they need it, and your relationship needs it. Second rule of thumb; understanding people who don’t need space. Whether they have an emotional reaction to the word “space”, not like being alone, or simply want you to stop leaving every single time you need to take a breath, listen to them. See where they’re coming from and work to control how often you might need space. Walking away isn’t always the answer, sometimes things need to be handled together.
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Winning the Ex-Games May 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

You could say it was all a blurry dream, because it was; there I was seated in a chapel filled with friends and family to witness the marriage of a man and a woman, and all I could do was go up to the groom and say “No!”

The hard part about dating is that we never want to admit the truth – that we were dumped, that we don’t have feelings for someone, that we don’t care they are dating someone new. We do, we do all these things, but because we have egos and don’t want to admit defeat, we hide behind lies or versions of the truth in order to save ourselves from embarrassment and, also, reality. Reality means admitting something, accepting it, and moving on, and we aren’t always ready to do that.

When “this guy” met “this girl”, I remember thinking how wrong she was for him. Did he just want someone who wasn’t me? Did he no longer enjoy phone conversations until 4am about books and music? Did he not want to ride around town singing to the top of his lungs anymore? Maybe. Maybe this is how I saw things, from where I stood, maybe she was everything I wasn’t to him. Still, no matter how rational I was, I never liked her, there was something about her, and most of all, it was because she came right after me. Years after this initial shock, I felt like I was in a competition – who would get married first, who would be together longer, who would become successful first, whose significant other would be more successful. You would think I still had feelings for this person, but trust me when I say the only feelings I had were of annoyance.

After we broke up I dated other people until I ended up in a long-term relationship, he didn’t, in fact, he only waited about two months before diving into it. For a long time, I told myself that she was the one for him and I could get over it or I could bother myself about it for the rest of my life, but after you know a person so well, after you spend so much time with them, caring about them never goes away, even if they hurt you. I always felt like the girl for him would be a girl I could get along with, would be someone I would hate to like, but not be able to help loving. I felt like no matter what we had been through, I didn’t want him to be unhappy, and I didn’t want him to fall in love with someone who would cause that unhappiness. Even though we ended rocky, he was always a special person, he deserved someone who knew how great he was, and I wasn’t the only person who thought she didn’t, his mutual friends gave insight into how non-him they felt she was. Still, the heart wants what the heart wants, so we all stood back and watched their relationship  grow for four years.

The other day, I won. I won. I won the competition. This convoluted competition I had built in my mind. They broke up and I and my boyfriend are still together. There was shock, there was excitement, there was a little feeling of satisfaction and then, there was nothing. I realized that all along, I had one true feeling, that she wasn’t right for him. Years after we split, it had become so apparent that he wasn’t right for me either (only he can speak on if I was ever right for him, but I’m guessing not). I was waiting to win something, but in all honesty, I was just looking out for someone I cared about.

When we exit a relationship and our ex begins a new one, there are always an array of feelings. Some last days or weeks, some last years. It’s okay to still care about them, somewhere deep inside, and it’s okay to worry about who they date, knowing that they’ll never be with you again; knowing that when they meet the right person, you should be happy for them. It’s hard for friends when they hear that you “don’t like the person he’s seeing” and most of the time they’ll be correct in assuming you still having feelings for your ex, but every now and then, every 1 out of 3, you’ll actually want them to meet someone like you, but better. Having an adult relationship means recognizing that you weren’t their perfect match, this doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to question the people they do chose to be with. After all, you spend so much time with them, have so many conversations and experiences. Sometimes, the best people to tell you who you should be with, are the people who know why you’re not with them.

What I learned from this very strange experience, and this very strange dream, is that sometimes winning isn’t bad, it isn’t about you being malicious or ill-willed. When your parents took away your phone, or your teacher gave you detention, they weren’t doing it because they hated you, they were doing it because, in the long run, it would be better for you. Sometimes, no matter how happy you are in your own relationship, you’re going to focus on someone else’s for the soul reason that who they’re dating isn’t up to your standards, your very-very high standards. After all, you are comparing them to you 🙂

There is truth behind every reality. You’ll always care for your exs’ a little, you’ll always wonder about their lives, you’ll probably always want to achieve more than them, have a better spouse than them, build a bigger home then them, but you’ll also always appreciate your time with them. They made you who you are, and without them, you would be missing a tiny, tiny, tiny, piece of what you know about yourself.

[Being Without] All The Single Ladies April 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

Back when I was…anything prior to six months ago, I had a set in stone theory about couples and their friends. I had a real angst for those couples who got together, became their own best friends, and magically stopped hanging out with anyone who didn’t resemble them. Sure, other couples, double dates, and newly together friends were fine, but their single pals, or work buddies suddenly were too much effort or too much time. How rude! How unfair! How, down right, wrong.

Theories (as I so loosely use the word) are based on life experiences. Much of the time,we have theories or ideas because we are lacking in the experiences to real know, so we develop something that makes sense to us, or justifies actions, whether our own or someone else’s. When it came to couples who magically stopped seeing their single friends, I was firm in my beliefs. Until I became one.

It was about three months ago that I really noticed it. I fell in love with evenings that included dinner parties with people over the age of 28, meeting for after work drinks with his work friend and wife, having meaningful discussions with my married friends about home life, future plans, and how their wedding went. When I was invited to a bar crawl with the ladies, I hesitated. Rather than being excited, I was tired. Truth be told, I sounded like an old lady. I’d never shied away from fun with friends before, so I knew something was up with me.

The next event I was invited to went much the same but, this time, I didn’t bail, I went out. All my friends were talking about we’re their “boy problems”, which guy they were trying to pick up, and how much they were “out to win it”. With the full acknowledgement of sounding insensitive, I didn’t care. Picking up guys was no longer fun for me, neither was discussing pre-relationship conundrums, or drinking so much my face would fall off. It even shocked me how bored I was with the whole night, and all I wanted to do was go home and watch tv on the couch with my better half. It all became very clear to me a few weekends later, when we were invited out to dinner by a married couple, I had the best time! I was excited and counted down the days until that night. That’s when I knew, I was one of those people who no longer had anything in common with her single friends.

I make fun of moms a lot; how when they get together all they discuss are their kids. I now see that conversation is a function of where you are in life. In saying that, I fully believe that you should have interests outside of your significant other, child, job, or small circle, but I can no longer blame people for sticking with their kind. I don’t dislike my single friends, I don’t adore my married friends, I just find that living with someone, spending most of your time with them, and having serious problems that you need to work through, are discussions my single friends can’t weigh in on. I know when I was single, I couldn’t weigh in on them either. I had lots of advice and ideas, but no real knowledge of what would work or not.
For a long time, I felt bad about this, I felt like I was in the wrong, that I should try harder to find something to talk about with everyone, but then a married friend told me to relax, this was normal. She said she had gone through the same thing. At this point in our lives, we’ve forgotten how to go to a bar to ” meet someone” or the total stress of blind dates, or how to “be cool” when you see a really cute guy on the bus and you definitely chose that day to not wear makeup. We’re not boring, we’re not old, we’re not plumping around in sweatpants and a concert t-shirt. We still put makeup on and our men know that other guys still find us attractive, but we also don’t care anymore. We like putting our guys before ourselves, and doing weird things like cooking, cleaning, and sorting his laundry….because some weirdo wife gene kicked in and now something that was once a chore or a bother is, for lack of a better word, fun. It’s hard to explain that to your single gal pal: “so then after the gym, I had nothing to do so I was sorting Tim’s laundry and the doorbell rang.” Sorry, back when I was younger and single, my reaction would have been, ” can Tim not sort his own laundry?” It’s one of those weird I’m-a-grown-up phenomenons that just happens to you, like puberty or going bald. You wake up one day, and it’s just happening.

I think there a part of me, of all of us, that will always feel a little bad. When those friends are finally in a serious relationship or married, I’ll probably have kids, and when their kids are babies, mine will probably be starting school, maybe we’ll even out one day, maybe we won’t. The point is that, it’s okay. I say that a lot on DLIH, but I say it because it’s true. Sometimes we need to accept what life brings us, even if it’s not always benefiting everyone. If you think of it in the grand scheme of things, your friends have found someone they love, maybe someone they want to spend the rest of their life with, or they had a baby, or they are finally out of a relationship and are getting their masters degree. Sometimes the things that make us drift apart are not bad things at all, they’re great things.

If you love something, you let it go, you ride the wave of life and if it dumps you on the shore, with all your friends, and a margarita bar. Then you know you did it right 🙂

The Crazy Chick March 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Relationships, Uncategorized, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

Here’s something that doesn’t happen to me often: I go out, I see a guy, I flirt, I have fun, I try to be cool, I show I’m a woman of power,  I get angry, I yell at a different guy, I make a scene, I order another drink, I keep talking to the cute guy, I go home numberless. And when I said “often” I meant it’s never once happened to me, ever, in my life.

Throughout my single years, I’d been in the club or bar plenty of times and heard the phrase “That chick over there is crazy!” or “I wouldn’t even go there, man.” I’ve had numerous guy friends tell me about those girls that are pretty, sweet and fun at first, and then either drink too much or turn like leaf in the wind and their “crazy” comes out. I didn’t know if it was insecurity or they just didn’t get it, but I never actually witnessed it myself, so I never really took the time to think about it, until recently.

Picture this, you’re out with a group of gal pals, and suddenly a friend of friend, who seemed really normal at first, starts yelling at a guy. And in the words of a very less DLIH me, “It’s like, ‘HELLO?! What is happening?!’ “. You turn around and all you can gather from the situation is the, very cute, guy she’s verbally assaulting asked her if she needed help getting through the crowd at the bar. To any normal human being that would either A. indicate someone is being very polite, or for more people, B. mean he’s trying to buy you a drink, because he likes you. However, in this scenario he was “sexist”, “condescending”, and she had been “getting her own drinks for years and didn’t need anybody’s help”. I guess that might be why you’re 35 and still single, but everyone is different (right?). While all the other girls in our group rushed over to calm her down and silently apologized to the man she just screamed at, I noticed a group of guys across the room, who stood staring, reminding me of all the faces my guys friends had made over the years, that “Bro, that’s the crazy one in the bar” face. What’s the worst part? It wasn’t that she was embarrassed, it wasn’t that the guy she yelled at totally lost all interest, it’s that for the rest of the night, all six of us were associated with the “crazy girl”. Even for those of us who weren’t single, it was a total downer, and most of us just wanted to go home after the incident.

Moral of the story? Don’t be crazy! Most girls don’t know that they’re doing it; so from experience and after collecting data from others, here’s the short track to “Are you the crazy girl?”

– When you meet people at a bar, are you trying to prove anything?

– Do you want guys to see you as a confident women, who doesn’t need a man to hold her hand through life?

– Do you pick a target and use a calculated or preconceived way to talk to them and/or get their interest?

– Do you try to play guys, make them feel small, or try to beat them at their own game when you actually really like them and want them to ask you for your number?

Yah. You’re doing it wrong if you said yes to, really, any of those. Dating is so easy! I don’t mean meeting someone, I don’t mean being in a relationship, I mean the whole damn thing! Girl likes boy, boy likes girl, boy and girl meet, boy asks girl out, girl accepts. Where in that transaction does showing someone your “guns” fit in? Ladies, how much do we hate it when guys try to make us feel like we’re delicate, little, porcelain creatures or try to prove to us how manly, strong and superior they are? It’s so unattractive. So, why is it okay for you to do that? Showing that you “don’t need a man” isn’t going to make a guy think “Oh yeah, that’s one to bring home to mom”. Likewise, a girl screaming and making a scene at a bar is the same as a guy who throws a chair or gets in a fight, it’s not the guy you want to go after.

The good thing is, we all make mistakes, and we grow strong from those mistakes. So, perhaps you have been the looney chick, that’s okay. Here’s a golden opportunity for your to correct your mistakes and just chill out a little. If you’re friends with the crazy lady, give her a dose of reality (or send her to this post!) and reevaluate if this is someone you want to associate yourself with when you’re out at the bar. Meeting people, whether to date or just to make friends, is only going to happen when you’re being yourself, fun, and normal. Change you’re brain, it’s not about “getting” someone, it’s just about have a great night out.

Most People DON’T Meet Online February 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Dating, GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Online Dating, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

There is a stigma about meeting someone online…and that’s okay.

I didn’t know how to get my follower’s attention without this title or without that first line. Ten years ago, something happened in our world, online dating. At first, it was a place for creepers to meet other creeps, then it was a place for people to meet people, which turned into an area of life that everyone was into because it was fun, exciting and alleviated boredom. Now, it’s a function of wanting to meet the right person, or just a person for now. There are a lot of people who have met online and are happy, but there are a lot of people who think it’s still abnormal, unnatural, or not romantic. And that’s okay.

While at first, there was a stigma about meeting online, today, it seems like there is a stigma for people who aren’t cool with meeting people online.  It feels like every tenth commercial on TV is for some dating site, with couples telling you how happy they are, and it’s being stuffed in our face like whipped cream at a pie throwing contest. When people tell you they’ve met online, you’re expected to smile and nod like it’s totally normal, and there are these insane statistics being read about how online is the #1 place to meet your soulmate. Who knows what, if any, of that is true or false, I sure don’t! Who is to say what’s normal and what’s not? Not me! The point is, we shouldn’t have to believe things one way or the other. I know people who have met online, and they are very happy, likewise I know people who met in all sorts of “more common” situations and are equally as happy. However, I know lots of relationships that came from online or in life that ended horrendously. Still, for those of us who might be more traditional, saying “Oh, we met at work and ended up breaking off our engagement” comes with more shock then “We met on a dating site and decided to not get married”. There are a  lot of people out there who are not on board with online dating, and this is a message to them – as long as you accept that other people are cool with it, and you don’t discount their relationships, then, it’s okay not to be on board, it’s not for you.

lady-and-the-tramp.jpg?w=300&h=225Online dating works for two types of people: People who are very open-minded; people who believe in it. DLIH story time: I met a great guy online once. He was as real as sliced bread! (which, if you love carbs the way I do, sliced bread is pretty real!). We had a lot of fun together and a lot in common and our first date lasted about an extra 4 hours longer than planned. We talked everyday, all day. And then we broke up. Neither of us believed in online dating. If you asked us why we were on the site, we’d both tell you we didn’t know. Maybe it was curiosity? Maybe it was a symptom of being lonely? Maybe it was a function of having one bad day and signing up? He told me he liked me, but he couldn’t live knowing that, if we worked out, we met online. He wanted that “I looked across the bar and I saw her” moment, and I wanted that to. We were raised old fashion and our parents both met in romantic and unexpected ways. Online dating wasn’t for us. We missed each other, but it just was what it was. Our relationship didn’t go anywhere because we didn’t want it to. Maybe this sounds silly to some people, after all, if it was working out we should have seen it through, but that’s the purpose of this GGFile. For people who are totally, 100% cool with online dating, this is how the mind of someone who isn’t works. It was THAT important to us to have not met our soulmate online, so important, we ended it.

If online dating works for you, it’s going to be the best thing! You might even meet your wifey or the man of your dreams! However, it’s totally okay if it’s not! There is nothing to be embarrassed of either way! It feels like, at first, online dating was something to hide, now, meeting someone organically and traditionally is shadowed by algorithms and statistics, which is equally as dumb. You don’t find love because someone told you there is a 28% higher chance if you do it “this way”. Next, finding love will mean throwing yourself into an alligator pit and people will pay $64.50 a year for this privilege.

How you meet someone is arbitrary, the point is that you met them, and they make you happy, and it’s a story you can’t wait to tell everyone…it’s a story you want to shout from the rooftops. 

The One-Sided Relationship January 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Moving, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

She’s sitting there, at her best friend’s birthday, having the time of her life…but somehow, not having fun at all. She’s with all her friends, but she feels alone, like she’s one of those fundraiser goal meters and she’s reached the top of her party limit. It’s not her fault, we’ve all been there, with a few drinks down, and a couple of laughs in, your mind starts to drift to the one person you wish was there…but he isn’t.

Liking someone can often be the worst feeling in the world. No matter how many bumps you’ve been through, or the number of times you’ve broken up, or even moments where you thought you could admit your feelings, but then chickened out. Liking someone can also be the best; somewhere inside our little minds we like torturing ourselves, sitting in our bed, dreaming about that person, and the potential future, gives us butterflies and makes our endorphins dance. It’s a complicated, hormonal and emotional journey and no matter what, you’ll always learn from it, good or bad. So, at want point in the journey is enough day dreaming, enough?

Sometimes one-sided relationships have a hold on you, a hold that can start turning your world from exciting to disastrous. Even if you like each other and there are “obstacles”, or you are a couple, but it’s clear that your significant other isn’t pulling their weight and you’re just hanging out, avoiding the breakup, because you still like them so much. Relationships are very basic creatures: two people, who care about each other, wanting to make each other happy, and make an adult decision to be together. All the nitty-gritty details come after that. One-sided relationships can cause more harm than good, and almost never end up the way you want them to.

There is nothing to be gained from staring at your phone on Valentines Day, convincing yourself he or she will call; leaving the party early because you’d rather be in bed, in your jammies, watching really bad (coughGreat!) Nicholas Sparks movies; or talking your friend’s ear off, for the third month in a row, about how things like work, and family have been getting it the way, but you two know you’re “meant to be together” and are just letting things come “naturally”. Take it from someone else’s awful experiences, being “unofficially” together for almost two years, off and on, ends in lots of crying and lots of feeling betrayed, even though they haven’t actually done anything. Getting serenaded on your birthday in a surprise phone call results in collapsing into your friends arms crying, in public, when he never shows up to your party, after promising to do so; And listening to statements like “I just need to get my life together, but if I was dating anyone, it would be you”, is followed-up with them getting into a relationship two months later…and not with you. So, if you needed further proof that one-sides relationships are a road to nothing and no where, DLIH and friends can supply it.

Cut the cord. Easier said than done. So, you have two options, and both are viable as long as you know how they’re going to go, and stop convincing yourself that everything will magically end like a Disney movie. You can cold turkey it. You can just stop all communication, and force yourself to un-like this person, even though that will realistically take a while. It will be hard, and hurt, and you’ll want to fall back into it, but you’ll have to hold yourself back. The other option, to just power through it, let yourself like this person, let yourself end nights early to go home and wonder if they’ll text you, but if you’re going to go this route remember that it’s like a cold, the only way to end it is to suffer through it, you’re not going to wake-up tomorrow morning and run a marathon. You have to be realistic, you have to know what’s going on, you’re letting yourself stay in contact with this person with the intention of eventually getting over them, not with the intention of ending up with them. So, neither is easy, and neither is very fair, but unless you’ve got a fairy God-Mother who can fix it all in a bopitty-boo, then these are your solutions.

So, gather up the friends (the good ones, who want you to feel better), a couple bottles of wine, a box of Kleenex, and get through it together. Remember, there is a light at the end of the tunnel…the tunnel is just very, very, very long, and full of oddly shaped turns and spears that jet out, trying to kill you. You’ll make it, we all have, and one day soon, you’ll be staring at your phone because it’s 2:30am and you’re still out having a great time with just your buddies and that cute guy in the corner.

New Year, New Relationship December 23, 2013

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, GoodGuys File, Holidays, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

There are two things we take for granted in relationships; Number one, the amazingness of our relationship; Number 2, the ability to move on. While these two things are opposing, they have everything to do with one another.

In reverse, Number Two

An event in my life occurred recently that reminded me of the awful feeling of being broken up with. It’s been a number of years since the last time someone “broke up” with me. That dreaded feeling that something wasn’t right; that drop in the pit of your stomach when the phone finally rang; and those awful words that no one want’s to here “So, we have to talk”. It’s been so long, and I’ve been so happy, I forgot about that feeling, even though it happens to people everyday. Even if you’ve only been together for a little while, or if you’re in a serious relationship, the moment you realize it’s over is never a good one. You quite literally feel like your life has ended, like there is no moving forward, and while in the grand scheme of things that’s not true at all, at that very moment that’s exactly how it feels. You also feel slighted, and betrayed, insulted even. You wonder how this person could break-up with you, shouldn’t it work the other way around? The entire world turns shades of dark purple and black, your heart becomes stone and you cry until you’re too tired to cry anymore. It’s a horrible feeling…but we have all been through it and we have all moved on. When we are dating someone, we are so happy and feel like, even if the relationship isn’t perfect, it’s not going to end. But the reality is that most of our relationships will end, all except for one. We have to go through those relationships and those break-up experiences to get where we want to be, as individuals, and to meet the right person and find the right relationship. So while it is a feeling you never want to feel, it’s also a reminder that there is a life after this relationship, there is something waiting for you on the other side, and this will make you stronger.

Number One

When you are in a relationship for a long time, everything is a daily routine. Even when special things happen, they are routine special things. This is how we go out for special dinners, this is what we where when there’s an event, these are the days we give presents. It’s hard to really value your relationship when it’s such a huge part of your day, as with anything that is routine. A totally separate event occurred in my life recently that reminded me how vulnerable, valuable, and appreciated the relationship I am in is, and should be treated as such. We forget that anything can happen, any day. Not necessarily a break-up, but an accident, or a new job in a different city, or even something as small as a fight that can make you reassess how you treat each other. We don’t to be those people who miss something after it’s gone, or almost gone. It’s scary to go through life thinking that, and it’s unhealthy, but it’s a good way to check yourself and remind yourself to be appreciative. If you’re in a great relationship, or you’re in love, find a few things that always remind you of how precious and important this partnership is. I like to think of the day we met, or when we first started dating, or special memories or moments, that reaffirm how happy I am and how great this relationship is. it’s easy to forget; it’s easy to not call your mom back, it’s easy to say “you can’t stand” your job; it’s easy to wake up every morning and go to work like you’ll just see this person in a couple of hours, no biggie. So, it’s impotent to remind yourself, everyday, that your relationship is special, everyday.

With the new year around the corner, there are so many things to reflect on. Whether you are in a relationship, recently out of a relationship, or have been single status for a while, take the new year as your opportunity to have a new relationship. A new relationship doesn’t mean a new guy or girl, it can mean a new outlook. Vow to value your relationship, or have a new relationship with yourself, knowing that you will move on, no matter what, and that you will find love because you value yourself as an individual too. Whatever your promise to yourself, whatever your status, create a new relationship for your future.