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Most People DON’T Meet Online February 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Dating, GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Online Dating, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

There is a stigma about meeting someone online…and that’s okay.

I didn’t know how to get my follower’s attention without this title or without that first line. Ten years ago, something happened in our world, online dating. At first, it was a place for creepers to meet other creeps, then it was a place for people to meet people, which turned into an area of life that everyone was into because it was fun, exciting and alleviated boredom. Now, it’s a function of wanting to meet the right person, or just a person for now. There are a lot of people who have met online and are happy, but there are a lot of people who think it’s still abnormal, unnatural, or not romantic. And that’s okay.

While at first, there was a stigma about meeting online, today, it seems like there is a stigma for people who aren’t cool with meeting people online.  It feels like every tenth commercial on TV is for some dating site, with couples telling you how happy they are, and it’s being stuffed in our face like whipped cream at a pie throwing contest. When people tell you they’ve met online, you’re expected to smile and nod like it’s totally normal, and there are these insane statistics being read about how online is the #1 place to meet your soulmate. Who knows what, if any, of that is true or false, I sure don’t! Who is to say what’s normal and what’s not? Not me! The point is, we shouldn’t have to believe things one way or the other. I know people who have met online, and they are very happy, likewise I know people who met in all sorts of “more common” situations and are equally as happy. However, I know lots of relationships that came from online or in life that ended horrendously. Still, for those of us who might be more traditional, saying “Oh, we met at work and ended up breaking off our engagement” comes with more shock then “We met on a dating site and decided to not get married”. There are a  lot of people out there who are not on board with online dating, and this is a message to them – as long as you accept that other people are cool with it, and you don’t discount their relationships, then, it’s okay not to be on board, it’s not for you.

lady-and-the-tramp.jpg?w=300&h=225Online dating works for two types of people: People who are very open-minded; people who believe in it. DLIH story time: I met a great guy online once. He was as real as sliced bread! (which, if you love carbs the way I do, sliced bread is pretty real!). We had a lot of fun together and a lot in common and our first date lasted about an extra 4 hours longer than planned. We talked everyday, all day. And then we broke up. Neither of us believed in online dating. If you asked us why we were on the site, we’d both tell you we didn’t know. Maybe it was curiosity? Maybe it was a symptom of being lonely? Maybe it was a function of having one bad day and signing up? He told me he liked me, but he couldn’t live knowing that, if we worked out, we met online. He wanted that “I looked across the bar and I saw her” moment, and I wanted that to. We were raised old fashion and our parents both met in romantic and unexpected ways. Online dating wasn’t for us. We missed each other, but it just was what it was. Our relationship didn’t go anywhere because we didn’t want it to. Maybe this sounds silly to some people, after all, if it was working out we should have seen it through, but that’s the purpose of this GGFile. For people who are totally, 100% cool with online dating, this is how the mind of someone who isn’t works. It was THAT important to us to have not met our soulmate online, so important, we ended it.

If online dating works for you, it’s going to be the best thing! You might even meet your wifey or the man of your dreams! However, it’s totally okay if it’s not! There is nothing to be embarrassed of either way! It feels like, at first, online dating was something to hide, now, meeting someone organically and traditionally is shadowed by algorithms and statistics, which is equally as dumb. You don’t find love because someone told you there is a 28% higher chance if you do it “this way”. Next, finding love will mean throwing yourself into an alligator pit and people will pay $64.50 a year for this privilege.

How you meet someone is arbitrary, the point is that you met them, and they make you happy, and it’s a story you can’t wait to tell everyone…it’s a story you want to shout from the rooftops. 

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GreatGuy: Not Who You’re Expecting August 23, 2011

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Online Dating, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

I remember the first time I met my friend’s new boyfriend. I’d been hearing about him for months, she was so in love. He took her to baseball games and sent her flowers at work, she was literally glowing and knowing her past with unreliable guys, I was elated for her. I could only imagine who this spectacular man might be, tall, dark, handsome, a little edgy and super smart. Some fit, buff, tan guy that made the ladies at the bar look twice. Well, if I didn’t just describe Mr. Man of all Men!

As we walked through Grand Central, arm and arm, I looked at each man I passed, “Is that him? Is that him? Oh, I hope that’s him.” I was so anxious to meet this GreatGuy. When we finally walked up to somebody and she kissed him hello, a little bouncy castle above my head popped and slowly deflated. He wasn’t anything I’d expected and I was shocked at his “guy next-door-ness.” It only took a few minutes for me to fall in love with GreatGuy, all first impressions I had were squashed when we got into conversation. He wasn’t necessarily tall, dark and handsome with washboard abs but he was welcoming, friendly, and boy was that guy fun. He had me laughing within mintues and refused to let me pay him back for buying my train ticket. He helped my friend with all her bags and made sure we were comfortable before he was, a real stand-up guy. The more I got to know GreatGuy over the next few months, the more I began to wonder, “Where do I find you?”

Ladies, GoodGuys come in many forms but what I want you to learn today is to stop blaming the guy and start blaming the victim. If someone puts a Gucci bag in front of you and a find from TJMaxx and tells you they’re both free but you can only have one, tell me you wouldn’t dip for the name? Lo and behold, the new designer purse hasn’t a pocket in it’s roomy interior while the, just as cute, find has pockets, compartments and came with a free makeup bag inside. Yes, there are super hot guys out there who are totally decent men, but we are so spun in our web of trying to find them we miss some of the best, funniest, most parent-friendly guys out there, not because they’re unattractive, because they’re normal.

Even more recently, my beautiful, Indian, gorgeous friend walked into the room with a solid diamond on her left hand. Here I was dancing and twirling around her as she held back the excitement, in effort to not cause a scene. Having never met her boyfriend I envisioned a tall, slim, Indian man with an MBA. Well, I can’t say much for an MBA but her fiancé was nothing of the sort, in fact, he was the total opposite of that but it didn’t matter as she began to gush about their relationship, how happy he made her and what an amazing individual he was. I want that. Every girl wants that.

My dears, if GoodGuys File teaches you anything it should be to open your eyes. What you’re looking for isn’t going to fall into your lap, so instead of hunting day and night just live and acknowledge the incredible people you meet. A smile is worth a thousand words…and we’ve all seen the fakers. Wouldn’t you rather have an amazing man who adores you and your family than a hot suit who can’t make time for either? Sit down and ask yourself what you’re really looking for, if it’s love, open your eyes, there’s more to this story than Prince Charming on his steed.

Head Over Heels…For Now May 23, 2011

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, GoodGuys File, Men, Online Dating, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

 
I knew he was somewhat different when he asked for my phone number.
 
 
You may be wondering what’s so special about a guy who asked for my number, what made him stand out among the others, I’m about to share that with you. I go out quite a lot, I’m young and full of life but for the most part I don’t meet that many people I’m interested in. I don’t have overly high standards, I just don’t really mesh with too many men out there, frankly, I find them generic, everyone seems the same to me, no one stands outs, no one glitters in the room full of strangers. I’ve always stood by one theory, I KNOW I can go up to a guy and ask him out so I need to see if he has enough oomph to ask me. He can talk to me all night long but if he doesn’t ask me for my number I won’t be the one to plant the seed, when a man wants to date a woman he does, as my roommate once said “A man wants what he wants and there’s no problem.” Dating in New York City is tough and you’d be surprised how many of those “no problem, no sweat” men just don’t have the balls to simply ask for the digits, the few that do don’t follow up….

I’ve never been swept off my feet, I think part of me was still waiting to be and the other part just realized it wasn’t going to happen; this isn’t a Jane Austen novel. I accidently ran into a mysterious stranger online and in chatting realized he was pretty sweet and very determined so when he came right out and asked me to give him my number I was shocked and intrigued, well aware that everything is ten times easier when hiding behind a computer screen. The conversations we had via text were so whitty, for the first time in a long time I thought I’d met someone that could handle me so thank God he wasted no time telling me to ditch my TV and come out on a date with him (The TV isn’t a big fan of my mystery man hehe). I’d been on very few dates that were planned, meaning, usually I end up dating friends so we just “hang-out”. Like most young women today, I’ve never been on a fancy, nice dinner or taken on a carriage ride, that stuff’s for old people, chivalry died with Breakfast at Tiffany’s. To my surprise, I got a full evening planned just for he and I. He took me to the most incredible winebar, gave up his seat and was nothing but sweet, cordial and funny the entire time. I hadn’t felt this intrigued by a guy in a while, the things that came out of his mouth made my insides do a little dance. It wasn’t until halfway through the night that I really knew this was different. As we walked to our next location he grabbed my hand, I’m into bold moves and clearly he was as amazed by me as I was by him, so I told him “Jeez, you’re smooth”. First date in my life I’d been genuinely impressed, what happened next still seems surreal to me.

“Wait…we have to do this the right way.” He said as he let go and crossed over to the other side and took my other hand. I’ll be honest with you when I say I have NO idea what he was talking about, “Well isn’t the man supposed to walk on the side of the street with the cars?…you’ve never heard that?” Of course I heard that, OF COURSE! When I was 12, then I started dating and stopped believing it! My mom will love him, was all I thought.

Maybe I’ll fall head over heels for this guy and end up married with two beautiful children, a dog and a Red minivan….it happens to the best of us. I could go on twelve dates with this fine specimen and realize it’s not going to work out or I could date him for a year or two until life spreads us apart. Who knows, the point isn’t about going out to meet the love of your life, as much as I wish I could say it was as easy as friending people on facebook it’s not. Love and friendship are similar but just like sports, similar sports have different rules. You’re going to date a lot of assholes, they’re going to mess you up and hurt you so when you find a guy that’s going to go for it and hold your hand on the side of the street with the cars, take it, enjoy it. They do exist, GoodGuy isn’t a myth, it’s just a rare breed, a fine jewel maybe even, just maybe, a prince charming.

Late Night OkCupid Thoughts May 4, 2011

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Humor, Men, Online Dating.
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The weather is warm, the sky is blue and lately, I’ve been in high spirits so I figured I’d take a little detour from the serious life lessons of, well…life, and let you into the world of my dirty back-wards humor (censored for DLIH purposes!). The other night, I just wasn’t ready to fall asleep so in lieu of reading a book or watching a movie I decided I rip every pathetic guy on OkCupid a new one. Why? because what’s life without a little comic relief. You’ve got to take it with a grain of salt and a shot of tequila! Behold…the late night musings of one very silly girl.

OkCupid Thoughts

  • I would LOVE to see someone’s BF on here with a login date of this morning…:) hehe
  • OkC is just like anyone else…they have good days, bad days…and wtf-was-I -thinking-retarded days..some more than others!
  • Do any of these men realize slicking their hair back like that makes them look kinda like sex offenders?
  • –@LaundryinHeels or douchebags
    — those terms are kinda interchangeable in the right setting lol

  • Screen name “drokcupid”…dude…REALLY??!! yeah, I’m turned on..no really, I am..”Dr.”…???
  • It’s like watching the Jersey Shore; you know its entirely stupid to be on the site for an hour…yet mildly entertaining.
  • “I’m even better once intoxicated”…bonus points for that one gents…how do you keep the women at bay!?
  • Names: “PorkChop” and “VediVidiVichi”…okay, so I wasn’t the only kid in the 90’s who watched ‘Doug’…OBVIOUSLY.
  • Having 7 pictures of you all taken with your I-phone in the mirror is hottie McHot! Checklist item #22, only date men with i-phones, Checklist item #7, only date men who can take photos, Checklist item #74 only date men who have apartments with mirrors….have we reach the point yet?
  • Is it wrong that I only want to message you back because you have the cutest puppy I’ve ever seen?…is it wrong that you put that picture of your puppy up because you knew you’d get more girls?
  • Height- 6’1″; Religion- –; Body type- Athletic; Drinks – Socially; Smokes – Never; Drugs – Often. Hope my son’s OkCupid profile reads JUST like that too.
  • Name: I_am_Stephen86 ….I’m going to bet your name is Stephen…and you were born in 1986? NO? Oo0o, o0o, o000ooo0 tell me what I’ve won!?
  • Name: Cee_Loo …dude, someone stole your name, thing is he’s making millions of dollars right now and you’re on OkCupid. hm?
  • Message: “I didn’t know heaven was letting angels make OkCupid profiles.” Dear Bald Sir with Goatee, I worry for you, I do.
  • Message of a LIFETIME: “Once upon a time there was a beautiful young woman. Not only was she lovely and smart, but she had the rare ability of being able to describe herself in a way that made her seem vulnerable and human and yet incandescantly fascinating to the whole world. As if that wasn’t enough this particular woman was the owner of a magic hat. This hat gave her the power to attract rare animals from miles away. One day, the magic hat even brought a giraffe with a weak back all the way from africa! She and the giraffe became fast friends and he even helped her pick out some new dishes from the housewares store (the giraffe having clumsily knocked over some china with his long neck the evening before). It did not take long for the beautiful woman to realize that this giraffe needed a lot more help finding friends than she did and, because she was also kind, she gave the magic hat to her new friend in hopes that it would help him make friends despite his inabilty to give giraffe rides. The giraffe was overjoyed and promised never to forget this wonderful gift. The both kept in touch on skype, and neither ever had any trouble making friends. They lived happily ever after.”… Well..OH-KAY Cupid….
  • and for the funniest OkCupid Story I’ve ever read in my life (while at work avoiding mass amounts of emails…) shoot on over to Not What I Ordered for the true life story of  Jess, a woman with a dilemma 🙂

It’s Like the Subway January 29, 2011

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Men, MTA/Public Transportation, Online Dating, Real World, Women.
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You know how you get on the 1 train, make sure to get that corner seat at the end of the row, and cocoon yourself in the world of your I-pod. After one or two stops you start to look around because the old woman across from you has begun to stare motionless, and frankly, it’s creepy. So here you are, looking around and BAM just as the train pulls into the station you see the most scrumptious male ever! He has nice clothes, decent hair, a great hat, he’s wearing an i-pod too so you know he likes music and then dundundun, as he sits down just seats opposite you, he pulls out a book, intelligent too! Who knew?! In an effort to play it cool you gaze in his general area rather than staring right at him and drooling, and then you see him, Mr. 45 year-old, balding guy giving you the eye. Eh, so much for trying to get cutie’s attention when you’re now confined to staring at your new old lady friend across the way. So there you go, three stops later, he gets off and you never see him again. Except, on the internet he’s always there, the subway never stops, the doors don’t open and cuties don’t get off. Creepers can be blocked, old men can be put in their place, and balding guys can photoshop just enough to appear they’ve got hair.  Everybody wins. Internet dating, it’s like the subway…but better?

Once I discovered my own discovery, I took it upon myself to re-route my own mental visualization, if you will, of this internet dating profile thing. Instead of “winking” or “poking”, “waving” or “flirting…dude, I’m just gonna send you a message, say hi, tell ya why I like ya and if you don’t write back. Cool, next train! A lot of people seem to be on these sites for the same reasons, not excluding myself: A. They want to meet someone but their job doesn’t allow them to for various reason B. The time they are outside of work they aren’t out to meet people, they’re out to relax C. While it’s still possible to meet people at bars, it’s not exactly a favorable setting; alcohol, dark lighting, loud music. I’ve met so many friends online, I’ve made a lot of business connections this way, I’m not signing-up for a site that’s going to ask me a million questions from how long I brush my teeth in seconds to what my deepest, darkest fear is and spit out my husband. I’m in “a bar” that serves milkshakes instead of Jameson, the lights are bright instead of clouded and the music is low and sweet, a song everyone loves but doesn’t feel the need to sing the words to and I’m wearing a sign that says “I like baseball, puppies, heels and Mexican food.”

So, here was are again, all cozy on the internet together, bundled up in the subway of cyber space and I’m wondering, is this reversible? Is my line of thinking applicable the other ways? If I’m being more open minded, less impressionable but also going for what I want, putting fears or opinions aside what’s to say I can’t do this in the real world at the exact, same time? Double your pleasure, double your fun! Well, I CAN and I WILL! Although…I may not wear the sign, that comes across a little more “homeless” than I generally like to give off on a first date.

It’s not easy in this world of NYC to starting talk to people, smiling at people, reacting to people you’d normally just walk by. No wonder we’re all on dating sites…because we don’t talk in the subway, we don’t talk at all unless we’re ordering at Starbucks! Still, if anything it opens up the world, if theres one person on this match site that’s going to read my profile and think “Hey, she’s really cool”..then theres going to be one person on my subway platform who’s going to think “Hey…she’s not hiding behind her I-pod..that’s different.” and smile back. There you have it folks “What Internet Dating Taught Me.” Look for it in Barnes and Noble, Fall 2013 😉

Big, Fat, Secret Dating Facebook January 3, 2011

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Men, Online Dating, Relationships, Women.
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Well, here we are, all of us, together here on the internet. It’s cozy. Facebooking and picture sharing, business card creating, bill paying, car renting, net –flixing, job finding, stamp ordering, grocery shopping, appointment booking, recipe finding, generation SCREEN. We are on the internet for everything. Remember when it was just for research, when Google was God? Now you’ve got every which site for every what purpose and beyond. We’re sick, sick and twisted and freakin genius my friends. So what about dating online? What makes bill paying so shameless and convenient and dating so unacceptable? You may recall my earlier bouts on online dating where I nearly bashed the idea to shreds…you may also need to know that I once thought gay marriage shouldn’t be legal, now I’m marching in the parade with a rainbow flag stapled to my body; or when I told my parents I’d never move out and live with them forever…okay, I was 6 but you live, you learn.

There is a large part of me that’s never going to “believe” online dating, it’s probably because of my Faith. I don’t understand why God (as I so choose to believe) would put this person on a site instead of right before me in a restaurant or Starbucks, but that’s just me and my morals. Still, there was something about those exact morals that convinced me to give this idea another whirl around the dance floor.

So far, in my twenty-something year old dating research (…face it, your biggest task in your twenties is to figure out the other side of the field.) I’ve gotten as far as understanding that physical attributes can be adjusted but not changed – you’re attracted to what you’re attracted to, give or take. Personality is something that’s totally negotiable on a case-by-case basis; Then there are deal breaks that have to match up to what you’re looking for – marriage, wanting to have kids, religion, possibly height. So, I’m no longer trying to find the “perfect male” as I once was, yet I’m stepping so far outside of what I find attractive that, well, I’m not attracted. If it sounds like I’m trying too hard, believe me, I spend 80% of my time at or thinking about my job, I’m allowed to spend the rest of thinking about dating. So what now? Well, a friend of mine had been suggesting  Match.com to me for a few months and I wouldn’t have any of it! She advertised it as the site that no one wants to end up on, thinks they’ll never end up on, but everybody does ::enter dancing Facebook Logo::.  It started to boggle my mind a bit, so here I am knowing exactly who I want to be with but not setting my barriers so close that I’m making him surreal; I have little to no time to go out but I also don’t want to just date for the sake of dating, I want lettuce and tomato with that burger! Not just the bun!…maybe this Facebook for dating isn’t half bad? So…I browsed. I entered the greeting card aisle and browsed like one would when all they need to buy is dandruff shampoo but they’re making it appear like they’ve got a whole list of items this store is about to be out of stock in. To my astonishment there it was – BAM; a whole bushel of boys who love sports and had great jobs, loved their family and dogs, believed in God and read books but liked to go out and have a good time too. Good Morning? Big, Fat, Secret, Dating Facebook had boys! Cute, Christian, Cuddly boys! And suddenly, being on an online dating site was the last embarrassment I had…

Online Dating isn’t for everyone, there’s a large chance this is not at all for me, there’s a large chance I may be okay with this and everyone around me may not be, there’s a chance all those great boys turn out to be losers, but chance is what makes this thrilling! In the New Year, I felt like I had two choices in dating: get with it and try something different or become a Lesbian Cat Lady who sells organic cookies at the Union Square farmers market, clearly the later wasn’t going to happen for another few years (due to some technical issues) so I figured this deserved a shot. I have three months of evaluation time, three new months of post-teenage love research to conduct, three whole months of you hearing about this ridiculous adventure I’m on.

…who knows, the world is a mysterious place full of humans who know how to use computers. Imagine that.