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Taking the Red Pill – Part II September 18, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Finances, Following Your Dreams, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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Read The Fear of Taking the Red Pill – Part I here!

Design your own life, huh? Design your own life. Often times, when I’m looking for DLIH inspiration or reposts, I scour the internet for things that I think will be helpful or encouraging to twenty-something’s out there. When I stumbled upon Gilbert Ross’s article last month, I was so drawn in by the words on my screen. I felt like the universe had pushed me, head first, into that webpage. It couldn’t have come at a better time.

When I left my fulltime job six months ago, I had a plan. Just because you have a plan doesn’t mean you do anything about it. Albert Einstein said, “Try not to become a man of success, but rather try to become a man of value.” Everyone can sit down and write out a plan, all it is, is pen to paper. Sure, it’s a step, but if you take no action on that plan, then what was the point? Does it just make a pretty picture? The value is seeing your plan through, not just talking about how successful you want to be. For the last six months my friends and family had been telling me “do something about your plan. Just try!” In the back of my mind I knew I needed to, I knew they were right but I still didn’t do anything about it. The truth is, I was, and still am, absolutely terrified. I think the hardest part wasn’t taking the first step, it was admitting why I wasn’t doing anything about it. Telling people you’re scared is hard.Screen Shot 2015-09-17 at 10.41.03 PM

I won’t lie and tell you that after I got the ball rolling things were easy, they actually got harder. There is an element of embarrassment that comes with starting over in your late twenties. Putting yourself out there for jobs you are overqualified for or to be an intern is difficult, it makes you very vulnerable. Think about when you get rejected for your dream job, it sucks, but at least you tried; now think about when you get rejected for a job you are 100% perfect for, it’s annoying. Now, envision you get rejected for an internship when you’ve been in the workforce for ten years and have loads of experience…what is that, if not embarrassing?

It’s also hard to follow your dream when you’re a grown-up because you still need to earn money, somewhat. I’m lucky that I’m not flipping burgers or ringing items up at Target, I have a part-time jobs that’s in line with my career path but, once again, I’m being bossed around by managers younger than me, or often asked if “I’m in school” or “if this is my summer job”. No, I’m an adult. In fact, I’m so adult that the majority of my friends are either, married, have kids, or a mortgage, or all three! I don’t remember the last time I was out past 11pm and my favorite thing to do is watch movies with my cat. Ask me again if I’m “old enough to drink”, I dare you.

I’m not saying all these things because I want to stifle anyone’s ambitions. I’m saying them because I am confident there are other people out there who are starting over in their twenties and they are going through exactly this. When you’re tired, or confused, or don’t know which step to take next, remember that if not now, then when? One of my friends said something encouraging to me recently; I was telling her, over lunch, how hard this was, what bad timing it was with my wedding and all, and she just sat their with this huge smile on her face as I poured my heart out all over my salad. Then she said to me, “I think this is the perfect time.” It wasn’t much, but she brought a different outlook to the situation. There are people out there who reinvent themselves at 50. It might feel like we’re in a pressure cooker, like we have to make smart choices right now, right this second, because we want to have a nice life in three-five years, but take a step back and look around – people with three kids change careers, people who are forty-five go back to school, if it means having a happier life or following your dream you should do it, you will figure out how to conquer the obstacles later, and you will conquer them.

If starting over when you’re a little older has one advantage it’s that you have been through the ringer once before, you know how to handle life and you’re less flustered when things hit you. The last time you did this you were probably in college or simply younger and you were naive, you thought you’d get a dream job and have a penthouse apartment by the time you were thirty. Now, you know what life is, and how it works and you can handle it, even if you think you can’t. You can.

Just remember, if other people can do it, then you can. You can.

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30 Is Not the New 20 – Now is The Time! August 30, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Finances, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, marriage, Real World, Relationships.
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My entire life I have focused on a timeline; I want to be living on my own at 18, I want to be stable at 24, I want to be married by 28, I want a baby at 30. People thought I was crazy, they told me it was too much pressure to box myself into such a strict timeline, but I didn’t see it as an ultimatum, I saw it as a map, a series of gems to collect along my life path to the age of 30. To this day, people don’t get it but Dr. Meg Jay said it best – milestones are important! 

If you want to know why your twenties are, not only, the craziest, but the MOST important decade in your life, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually, read this amazing Q & A with clinical psychologist and author of The Defining Decade, Dr. Meg Jay. Here’s a quick taste:

“Our 20s are the defining decade of adulthood. 80% of life’s most defining moments take place by about age 35. 2/3 of lifetime wage growth happens during the first ten years of a career. More than half of Americans are married or are dating or living with their future partner by age 30. Personality can change more during our 20s than at any other decade in life. Female fertility peaks at 28. The brain caps off its last major growth spurt. When it comes to adult development, 30 is not the new 20.  Even if you do nothing, not making choices is a choice all the same. Don’t be defined by what you didn’t know or didn’t do.”

My Deepest Condolences August 25, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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I’m standing in Paper Source staring at all these cards. When it’s a birthday or an anniversary, there’s always one or two that are just right, you’ll always find a unique greeting that makes you open it to see what’s on the inside. Unlike a birthday, or an anniversary or any of occasion, none of these cards are ones I want to pick up and open, none of these cards are right at all. How do you pick out a card that says everything you’re feeling when you don’t know what to say?

IMG_4893-2-500x500When we’re younger, our parents handle the hard stuff. Sure, as kids we have feelings and emotions when people pass away, or get fired, or fall ill, but we don’t have to handle them out in real life. In my lifetime, I’ve yet to lose someone so close that it paralyzed me for a moment. I’ve never had to decide if flowers were appropriate, and then try to pick some out, or wonder if sending a card was a better idea. I’ve never had to decide if I should jump on the first flight out and go, or if I should make a phone call instead. What I’ve learned is that there is no right answer, because when you’re grieving it all feels wrong anyway. (more…)

Wedding Planning – People Will Be Mean to You August 1, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Wedding.
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Every movie you see, every reality show you watch, and everything everyone tells you makes you feel like once you’re a bride the world is all pink and fluffy and you have this impenetrable glow around you. The wedding industry is all about happiness, how can you not feel warm and cozy inside when you work with brides and grooms and you’re basically making their dreams come true? How can someone not be happy when they get to do that everyday? Well, the wedding industry gets the Oscar for best deception. I’m going to break it to you, and I’m going to break it to you hard; When you are getting married – people will be mean to you.

The Industry – Keep in mind that wedding venues, wedding cakes, wedding dresses, they are all part of an industry just like anything else. There are friendly accountants and there are rude accountants; you’ve meet really nice servers and really nasty servers; some doctors care about you and your feelings, some just care about getting you in and out the door. We have this perception that the wedding industry is somehow exempt from this kind of seesaw, but it’s a business like all other businesses. Not everyone who has a job loves it, and I know what you’re thinking, “how can you be miserable and you’re coordinating a freakin’ wedding!?”, but people are. They’re human. Most people will great you with smiles, handshakes and congratulations, but there are those who just want you to see the space, try the cake, have the meeting and then be on your way. Not everyone watches Four Weddings religiously, like you do.

Screen shot 2014-02-11 at 11.27.05 AMThe Pressure – People who are in the wedding industry deal with a lot. At any given point they are receiving multiple emails from multiple brides, phone calls and a thousand requests. They are only one person so they can only handle one thing at a time. A lot of these people just fold under the stress, so while they aren’t trying to be mean to you, personally, they’re probably just being mean to everyone that day. People who have been doing this a long time may also feel like they know better than you. When planning a wedding, it’s important you work with people who advise and guide but also hear your vision, and not try to force their opinions on you. We recently met a venue coordinator who was adamant that we get married in November (more…)

Here Comes The Stress July 20, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Following Your Dreams, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Wedding.
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A little over three weeks ago I made a solemn DLIH promise to be more active, post more articles, and long wedding_4story short, just be better. Then I went on two back-to-back vacations and, oh yeah, got a little ring to wear on my left hand. Traveling has never stopped me from posting before, so being overseas wasn’t necessarily the issue. The problem arose when all my “free” time was now suddenly filled with wedding ideas and planning. Let me just say, I’ve watched a lot of TLC and WE in my day so I was full prepared to not be a Bridezilla and not let this wedding take over my life, I also didn’t want DLIH to become wedding central. So, with my mind on a wedding and a wedding on my mind, you can imagine all other ideas involving life and writing were few and far between.

Then something occurred to me, talking about my wedding, or any wedding, does not mean writing a nine paragraph post on how to make a doily or pick out candle wax colors. What I am realizing is that I am feeling very alone in this process, this process that has been glorified by so many people before me. In all my searches online I have found all the standard advice “Take deep breaths”, “Don’t make rash decisions”, “Do what you want to do, not what your guests want”, but I haven’t found any real advice. (more…)

Repost: Make Work Life Work For You! July 1, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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Several months ago, I stumbled upon this great article by some “googlers” on what they learned working at, the famous, Google. As I read, I realized this wasn’t about Google, not really, it was about anyone’s professional life in the office and how to succeed. When stripped down, the message was about how to be successful, make good choices, be brave and make your work life work for you! As someone who is in the process of looking for that perfect job, it inspired me and I knew it would inspire others too!

10 Things I Wish I Knew on My First Day at Google – by moonstorming

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What is that Twenty-Somethings Really Want?! May 22, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Apartment Life, Dating, Family, Finances, Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Traveling.
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This article really resonated with me, and everything I have felt at one point or another. Take a read, and remember that you’re not the only one out there who wants the simply things – like a couch that’s not from Ikea (that you probably failed to put together…twice). 

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Work has been crazy over in DLIH land! But I promise, new posts, insightful articles, and more randomness coming very, very soon!!!

Simply Your Life! May 8, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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10 ways to simply your life! An amazing story that can motivate, educate and inspire us all to tone down our lives and enjoy them so much more!

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Read this great article over at Relevant Magazine now! It’ll change your views on your own life, for sure!

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This is What They Meant When They Said “Old” April 24, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, children, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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“So, have you heard of them? They’re kids, so be patient with them if they seem a little over excited.” I said, as I instructed a group of teenage boys.
“Oh, okay…well, we’re basically kids too.” The sweeter one of the group said, with a smile.
Is it wrong I had no idea how to respond? Some strange mix of vowels and consonants worked it’s way up into my throat, but I didn’t dare let them out because I could already tell it would be something strange and non-translatable, a weird noise really. Instead, I swallowed them back down and responded, “Haha, yes, but they are kids, like, little kids, like elementary school.”
The two seventeen year-olds blinked. Cute.

I don’t claim to be old and wise, nor do I claim to be “old” to sound cool or make those decades older than me feel ancient, I say it, because I finally feel it. Surprise, it has arrived! The last job description I looked at had the phrase “preferably ages between 18-25, or those with a younger appearance.” I almost threw-up, everywhere. I remember when I used to read those and laugh, laugh at how A. Young I’ve always looked for my age, B. How funny that statement was and C. How old 25 for that position seemed.When you’re in my line of work, age does matter (I also just made myself sound like a stripper, fantastic). I read that and almost hit “apply” until I realized I had aged out. It’s not growing older that bothers me, in fact, I am secretly already planning 30th and 40th birthday parties, it’s the fact that I haven’t realized I’ve aged out. To those seventeen year-old boys, I was some very attractive LADY, a LADY. I’m not even a college girl, I’m a grown-up. ew.

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My Mom Told Me One Day I’d like Yoga April 15, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Family, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World.
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yoga“Yoga comes with age. You’ll understand when you’re older”, she told me. I find yoga exhausting, they expect you to put your body in upside down, backwards positions, while channeling your inner Gandhi and then tell you to “just breathe”. An instructor once asked me, “Do you feel how your core is spiraling upwards with every breath?”, I looked over at my mom, she looked like a sleeping kitten in her “corkscrew prayer”. I am sure the question was rhetorical, so naturally, I answered “All I feel is pain?”. At the time, everyone laughed, but in all honesty, does anything but wisdom actually come with age? Yes.

The list of things my mother told me, that actually came true:

“One day, you will understand how to just sit and be”
I recently returned from my third trip to London. The first words out of my mouth were “I understand tea now.” I spent the majority of my time alone, sitting, with a pot of tea, and a little cup and saucer, watching other people, thinking about my life. I did not read, I did not play with my phone, I did not search for something to do, and I didn’t hate it. Other people didn’t bother me, they just were; My silence didn’t bother me, I just was. I now own my own tea pot (courtesy of a lovely boyfriend), and I have tea time almost daily, with no one but myself, for no one but myself.
When you are younger, you are doing everything to get somewhere – physically and metaphorically. You are running from job to job, store to store, and when you’re not running, you’re trying to figure out how to get another job, another paycheck, another date. There is little stillness in your early twenties. A big step in my adulthood, that I had long looked forward to was buying my own car. I now know you can drive to drive, and not to get somewhere. That doesn’t mean you are aimlessly driving around the neighborhood, it means that while you are on your way to the grocery store, you just drive – there is no reason to get there earlier, there is no reason not to be late. You can’t control road traffic, or train malfunctions, or your alarm clock breaking, so you just accept what you can’t change, and drive, and eventually you will get were you are going.

“Stop crying!”
I cry a lot. I cry a lot in just about every area of life except work. Unless my mommy is there, then I cry all the time. So when I was a teenager she would often look at me and yell “Stop crying!”. I thought it was because the act was annoying, loud, obnoxious, a pathetic attempt at getting my way, or simply happened so often the sincerity of it was totally false. I’m sure it was all of those things, but on a deeper level, it was a piece of guidance. We are human, and it’s healthy to have emotions, but you can’t just let them pour out of you like an overflowing bathtub. There is a time and a place to do those things, and at work, on the street, in a store, out to dinner, when you have company over, when you are cooking, are not those times. Learn to keep it in, and learn to let it out. Today, there are many times I want to start crying, like when I am accused of saying something I never said, or when my flight at the airport has been delayed for the third time, I can come very close to it, but I don’t, because I know that I can’t let myself fall apart right then. (more…)