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How to Be a Bride (Non-Psycho Version) September 24, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in How To, marriage, Men, Relationships, Wedding, Women.
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They say when you are about to die your life flashes before your eyes (sorry, morbid, keep reading!). Well, I would say when you get engaged your life sort of flashes before your eyes too. You see that little girl, with a ring pop; you see you and you friends talking about what kind of dress you want to have; you remember every wedding you ever went to and how you teared up during the vows; you think about the yet to be determined future and how amazing it will be!

high-society-bride-cartoonThere is a stigma about brides and that they are crazy, and some of them do! In interviewing vendors I’ve heard some horror stories; girls who want a sunset kiss photo but also want the photographer to get their portraits in front of a statue on the other side of town. Brides who changed their seating chart the day before and didn’t tell anyone. Couples who wanted fourteen bridesmaids and groomsmen to walk down the aisle, but only wanted to spend twenty-minutes at their ceremony. Some girls think their wedding is a challenge to make the impossible happen. Luckily, most of us are not like that, but what we want our friends and family to know is that WE ARE STILL F!%@ EXCITED, so leave us alone!

Yes, I know my wedding is a year away but what many people forget is that, for a girl, this is something that has been decades in the making, so something as little as a year is practically tomorrow in a girl’s mind. When you’re graduating college, you don’t want to think about it because every little step along the way gives you anxiety, but when you’re a bride every little thing you do along the way is like a tiny party that happens in your brain, confetti literally goes off every single time. It makes you excited, and you want to think about it, talk about it, share it with someone. In fact, some days it’s all you can think about, and you don’t mind at all. Sometimes, this can cause problems with people – like, sort of for example, your groom.

People who aren’t in your brainwave see things differently. To them, there is a calendar year and there is a list of things to do, plain and simple. To you, there is glitter falling from the sky everywhere you walk and with each step a flower blooms, with each vendor you hire a puppy with a bow runs through a field, as each month goes by you feel like your hair gets shinier, your eyes become sparkly-er, and your diamond ring gets bigger. When other people don’t see what you see, it can be hurtful, because to you it seems like they don’t think this is important, they don’t understand that it’s your moment. To you the world is exploding with lace, to them, it’s just another thing they have to do in a long list of to-do’s they already have outside of this wedding.

I’ve only been engaged for just short of three months, but I’ve already battled this. So, here’s my take on how to navigate reality while still letting a rainbow follow you around:

Step one, communication – and this is nothing new. If you’re getting married you’ve done this before, and you’re going to do it again, and again, and again, and again. There is nothing wrong with explaining to your friends, or your groom, how you feel and why their reactions seem hurtful, even though you know they’re not trying to make you feel bad.

Step two, realize that you are the only one in your champagne bubble, and that’s okay. I, of all people, understand wanting to talk about every tiny, little, minute detail, (I have already planned out the order of my processional, and drew a diagram, because I could.), just keep in mind that other people might not be there yet, so make it brief and don’t get too offended when they aren’t jumping for joy.

Step three, just do it! Don’t go Bridezilla crazy, but if no one wants be all doilies and peonies with you, then who cares, do it yourself. Imagine it’s like having a glass of wine, you don’t necessarily need someone else to do it with, it’s just a nice addition. Pinterest the hell out of your wedding! You’re only going to get to do this once, so do it your way – without alienating your entire guest list.

Wedding Planning – People Will Be Mean to You August 1, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Wedding.
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Every movie you see, every reality show you watch, and everything everyone tells you makes you feel like once you’re a bride the world is all pink and fluffy and you have this impenetrable glow around you. The wedding industry is all about happiness, how can you not feel warm and cozy inside when you work with brides and grooms and you’re basically making their dreams come true? How can someone not be happy when they get to do that everyday? Well, the wedding industry gets the Oscar for best deception. I’m going to break it to you, and I’m going to break it to you hard; When you are getting married – people will be mean to you.

The Industry – Keep in mind that wedding venues, wedding cakes, wedding dresses, they are all part of an industry just like anything else. There are friendly accountants and there are rude accountants; you’ve meet really nice servers and really nasty servers; some doctors care about you and your feelings, some just care about getting you in and out the door. We have this perception that the wedding industry is somehow exempt from this kind of seesaw, but it’s a business like all other businesses. Not everyone who has a job loves it, and I know what you’re thinking, “how can you be miserable and you’re coordinating a freakin’ wedding!?”, but people are. They’re human. Most people will great you with smiles, handshakes and congratulations, but there are those who just want you to see the space, try the cake, have the meeting and then be on your way. Not everyone watches Four Weddings religiously, like you do.

Screen shot 2014-02-11 at 11.27.05 AMThe Pressure – People who are in the wedding industry deal with a lot. At any given point they are receiving multiple emails from multiple brides, phone calls and a thousand requests. They are only one person so they can only handle one thing at a time. A lot of these people just fold under the stress, so while they aren’t trying to be mean to you, personally, they’re probably just being mean to everyone that day. People who have been doing this a long time may also feel like they know better than you. When planning a wedding, it’s important you work with people who advise and guide but also hear your vision, and not try to force their opinions on you. We recently met a venue coordinator who was adamant that we get married in November (more…)

Here Comes The Stress July 20, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Following Your Dreams, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Wedding.
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A little over three weeks ago I made a solemn DLIH promise to be more active, post more articles, and long wedding_4story short, just be better. Then I went on two back-to-back vacations and, oh yeah, got a little ring to wear on my left hand. Traveling has never stopped me from posting before, so being overseas wasn’t necessarily the issue. The problem arose when all my “free” time was now suddenly filled with wedding ideas and planning. Let me just say, I’ve watched a lot of TLC and WE in my day so I was full prepared to not be a Bridezilla and not let this wedding take over my life, I also didn’t want DLIH to become wedding central. So, with my mind on a wedding and a wedding on my mind, you can imagine all other ideas involving life and writing were few and far between.

Then something occurred to me, talking about my wedding, or any wedding, does not mean writing a nine paragraph post on how to make a doily or pick out candle wax colors. What I am realizing is that I am feeling very alone in this process, this process that has been glorified by so many people before me. In all my searches online I have found all the standard advice “Take deep breaths”, “Don’t make rash decisions”, “Do what you want to do, not what your guests want”, but I haven’t found any real advice. (more…)