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How to Be a Bride (Non-Psycho Version) September 24, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in How To, marriage, Men, Relationships, Wedding, Women.

They say when you are about to die your life flashes before your eyes (sorry, morbid, keep reading!). Well, I would say when you get engaged your life sort of flashes before your eyes too. You see that little girl, with a ring pop; you see you and you friends talking about what kind of dress you want to have; you remember every wedding you ever went to and how you teared up during the vows; you think about the yet to be determined future and how amazing it will be!

high-society-bride-cartoonThere is a stigma about brides and that they are crazy, and some of them do! In interviewing vendors I’ve heard some horror stories; girls who want a sunset kiss photo but also want the photographer to get their portraits in front of a statue on the other side of town. Brides who changed their seating chart the day before and didn’t tell anyone. Couples who wanted fourteen bridesmaids and groomsmen to walk down the aisle, but only wanted to spend twenty-minutes at their ceremony. Some girls think their wedding is a challenge to make the impossible happen. Luckily, most of us are not like that, but what we want our friends and family to know is that WE ARE STILL F!%@ EXCITED, so leave us alone!

Yes, I know my wedding is a year away but what many people forget is that, for a girl, this is something that has been decades in the making, so something as little as a year is practically tomorrow in a girl’s mind. When you’re graduating college, you don’t want to think about it because every little step along the way gives you anxiety, but when you’re a bride every little thing you do along the way is like a tiny party that happens in your brain, confetti literally goes off every single time. It makes you excited, and you want to think about it, talk about it, share it with someone. In fact, some days it’s all you can think about, and you don’t mind at all. Sometimes, this can cause problems with people – like, sort of for example, your groom.

People who aren’t in your brainwave see things differently. To them, there is a calendar year and there is a list of things to do, plain and simple. To you, there is glitter falling from the sky everywhere you walk and with each step a flower blooms, with each vendor you hire a puppy with a bow runs through a field, as each month goes by you feel like your hair gets shinier, your eyes become sparkly-er, and your diamond ring gets bigger. When other people don’t see what you see, it can be hurtful, because to you it seems like they don’t think this is important, they don’t understand that it’s your moment. To you the world is exploding with lace, to them, it’s just another thing they have to do in a long list of to-do’s they already have outside of this wedding.

I’ve only been engaged for just short of three months, but I’ve already battled this. So, here’s my take on how to navigate reality while still letting a rainbow follow you around:

Step one, communication – and this is nothing new. If you’re getting married you’ve done this before, and you’re going to do it again, and again, and again, and again. There is nothing wrong with explaining to your friends, or your groom, how you feel and why their reactions seem hurtful, even though you know they’re not trying to make you feel bad.

Step two, realize that you are the only one in your champagne bubble, and that’s okay. I, of all people, understand wanting to talk about every tiny, little, minute detail, (I have already planned out the order of my processional, and drew a diagram, because I could.), just keep in mind that other people might not be there yet, so make it brief and don’t get too offended when they aren’t jumping for joy.

Step three, just do it! Don’t go Bridezilla crazy, but if no one wants be all doilies and peonies with you, then who cares, do it yourself. Imagine it’s like having a glass of wine, you don’t necessarily need someone else to do it with, it’s just a nice addition. Pinterest the hell out of your wedding! You’re only going to get to do this once, so do it your way – without alienating your entire guest list.


Supporting Those Who Come After Us March 30, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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There are a lot of women in this world who will put you down. They will tell you that life will be hard, it will be unfair, and the only way to make it is to fight like hell and not let any man come between you and your destiny. While some of this may be true, there seems to be a trend amongst “older” women to discourage “younger” women, rather than lift them up. I was never given a handout, I was dealt very few favors, but I was lucky in my early twenties to meet some wonderful women who helped guide me.

There was a night I was sitting a restaurant with a good friend of mine. The bill came, she reached for it, and when I offered some money she refused. She said to me, “SK, to me, this is a scratch on the surface, but to you, right now, this is a big junk of change. One day, you will meet a younger girl, who’s just starting out, and you will get her bill. That’s how you can pay me.” I never forgot that. The problem was, for much of my twenties I didn’t feel like the “older”, wiser, more experienced girl. In fact, the only individuals younger than me I felt I had any seniority over where children under the age of 13. Sometimes, I’d look at high schoolers and think “they’ll never take a page out of my book, I’m practically the same age as them!” There was a time I wasn’t even sure I would ever shake that feeling. What I know now, is that time will come.change1

There was no specific moment I looked in the mirror and said “Now, now I feel like a grown-up!” and confetti magically appeared from the sky. When push came to shove, I just was, I just was a grown-up. Whether it’s being put in charge of a group of teenage girls, or sitting at a coffee shop with a 22 year old who just finished college, there is something that comes over you that makes it all click – you do know more about life, you do have more life experience, and you even have more mistakes to show them how not to follow in your footsteps. Guidance and advice don’t always come from being perfect, they can just come from having seen the world, and having been royally $%&!’d by it! (more…)

The Do’s and Don’ts of Awkward Significant Other Meetings March 3, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

We’ve all had that moment, we’re meeting our friend’s significant other and could say it’s a little less than what we’d like to be doing that day. Sometimes those meetings are loads of fun but many times they’re just a ball of anxiety in your stomach until you get it over with. Speaking from experience, here are some fun and supportive ways to get through it…and maybe even enjoy it! 

 Your Best Friend’s New Girlfriend 

It’s always exciting when your friend tells you they’re dating someone new! The first thing you always says is “I can’t wait to meet her!” so when you do, remember to respect that this is hard for her so never make her feel like an outsider, invite her in! Meeting a significant other who’s a guy is different, men don’t feel as territorial over friends but women can become very judgmental if they feel another girl is taking their place, so while you should be cautious no matter what gender your best friend’s significant other is, be particularly aware of your behavior if you are the same sex. 

Do!: Talk to them! Never talk around someone, if you’re telling a story tell it to them and use phrases like “You’ll never believe what he did, let me tell you!” or “I have to tell you about this one time he totally embarrassed himself”. This will not only make the night fun but it will make her feel part of the picture and like you accept her. Even if she says or does something wrong, don’t call her out, this isn’t the time or the place. Feel free to voice what you know, but in an open or kind way. 

Don’t!: Talk around her – try not to use words like “we” or “us”, it will make her feel like an outsider, like you don’t want her taking away your best guy friend. Don’t ignore her either, if she also has a statement or story, listen, even if you think it’s dumb or not entertaining. Not everyone you meet will be a winner, but the first meeting is not for you to act rude, it’s to get to know them. They may surprise you! (more…)

Spa Day Saturday! February 21, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Beauty, Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Women.
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One of my personal projects the last several months has been leading a more fulfilling life. Ultimately, this is a dream that’s unattainable, since we know life will never be perfect, but I want to be healthy emotionally and mentally, not just physically, which means finding time to do things that make me feel happy, even if they are small. I would call taking care of myself a luxury, because for years I’ve been preaching about taking care of yourself, I’ve been told that I need to make me my number one priority, but when you’re hustling and just trying to get by, it falls to the bottom of the to-do list.

Being a girl is also part of allowing yourself to be special. Sometimes, being healthy just means watching 13 Going on 30 while doing your nails, and not having anyone need you, judge you, or annoy you. So, late last year I created Spa Day Saturday. “Saturday” can be a Friday, it can be a Monday morning, it can be a Thursday afternoon, it doesn’t matter when you do it, as long as you allow yourself to do it and not let anything stand in the way of that.

Every Saturday morning I wake up, I make a coffee and I watch TV on the coach for a few hours while cuddling with my cat. I might make breakfast, I might not, depends on what I feel like. The point of the morning is no stress, no drama, no worries. Then I give myself a full spa day! I take a long hot shower, and be sure to scrub with my Simple Sugars, double condition my hair (or treat it if I’m feeling really ambitious), take care of anything else in the shower including shaving, or really sudsing up just because it’s fun. I don’t put myself on a timeline or try to be out by a certain time. I’ll also do my eyebrows this day, make sure they’re perfect, and do any face treatments that I have lying around. At some point I’ll also do my oil pulling (coconut oil! woot! woot!); typically I’ll do it while in the shower, but I’ll sometimes move it to after if I’m just not in the mood yet. I always feel super clean and invigorated after spa day, not only because it’s fun, and something to look forward to, but because it gets me ready for the week ahead with healthy, shining skin, hair, nails etc.

For fun twists – I’ll sometimes turn on music depending on my mood, or I may relocate to a different bathroom which gives it a super spa feel, since it’s not my day-to-day shower location. This is also a super fun time to use any samples you may have gotten from Sephora, friends, BrichBox etc. the most important thing to making spa day work is that you actually do it, I’m fortunate that I have Saturday mornings to myself, but on the off chance I don’t, or I have to move it to a different day due to scheduling, I make it clear that I am not to be bothered for a while, it’s my time to relax and beautify!

Why I’ll Never Be That B!t¢h January 24, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Friendships, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Relationships, Women.
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It was recently brought to my attention that I have been the B-word. Well, if you’re like me, you’ll take this one of two ways; you’ll laugh it off and agree that you need to simmer down, or you’ll be highly offended and confused. Look, at the end of the day, every girl is the B-word. We gossip, we judge, we use sarcasm as some weird sincere form of friendship induction, no one is innocent but we don’t actually mean to hurt anyone, you never actually mean any of it.

So, what do you do when someone tells you you do mean it? How do you react? Shock, awe, confusion, bewilderment are terms that come to mind but after the initial total loss of concept passes, you just feel defensive. People have different perceptions of b!t¢hiness, to some a simple lack of happy hour invitation qualifies, but for others it might be a deeper behavior, a bullying or a vindictive act. I can tell you one thing, I may not be everyone’s best friend, but vindictive is the last thing anyone can accuse me of. So, in thinking about it, and talking to some of my gal pals, I realized I’m not the only one who’s been wrongfully accused. There are a lot of us out there, girls who are confident and funny and maybe we command a little more attention because we are extroverted and like to have fun, but that doesn’t make us bad people, and that sure as hell doesn’t make us the B-word. So, for all my ladies out there who can relate, here is my side of the story: Why I’ll Never Be That B!t¢h (more…)

It’s Okay to Be a Girly Girl January 18, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Beauty, Fashion/Clothes, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Real World, Women.
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From our earliest days in the nursery we are raised in pink, purple and pastels. As we grow older we fall into lipstick, high heels, hair curlers, and little black dresses. Then, somewhere along the way, we start hearing about the “guy’s girl”, the girl who wears jeans and a baseball jersey to sit on the couch and drink beer while watching the game. Girls play sports, girls work in construction, girls run marathons and girls can finish that tallboy just about as fast as any grown man could. So, if girls can do anything, why do we sometimes feel uncomfortable just being who we are…a girl?

There are a lot of feminists out there that will tell us pink makes us weak. There are a lot of men out there who are looking for a girl who can throw on a hoodie and go for a hike. There are also a lot of females out there who will give you a dirty stare if you walk into a room with your 6-inch heels and chandelier earrings. It’s almost as if we’re only comfortable wearing our pretty dresses and false eyelashes when we’re in a room full of men, until the meat market looks start, then we’d much rather crawl into our flannel sweatpants and Winne the Pooh zip-up. When did being pretty become such a weird thing? Is Bravo TV the only place a woman can throw on her skinny jeans and wedges and walk around confidently with her Marc Jacobs?(okay, maybe using Bravo TV is just a bad example, but…). I call a personal foul on the whole world!

audreygraceHere’s why pretty can make us better people; (more…)

Making Life Choices…and Facing Hilarious Realities January 8, 2015

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Apartment Life, Cooking, Dating, Education, Fashion/Clothes, Finances, Friendships, Health and Fitness, Humor, Jobs and Work, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Shopping, Tattoos/Piercings, Traveling, Women.
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Check out this great post about the Catch-22’s of being in your twenties! Grab a glass of wine, and laugh your bad day away – The 20 Catch-22s Of Being In Your 20’s, by Lauren Martin at the Elite Daily.

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Things Your Little Sister Won’t Understand August 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in 21st Century/Technology, Dating, Friendships, GoodGuys File, Humor, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

When I was about twenty, I would run into a lot of jaded women who had nothing nice to say about men or relationships. “Oh, all that romantic stuff, that’ll end”, or “Ha!, you can never trust a man!” It always bothered me, I felt like, as someone who was younger, you would want to encourage me and teach me and allow me to grow, not just shoot me down and tell me to lower my expectations of relationships. I also didn’t believe what they told me, sure not every relationship is perfect, and sure some people have had bad experiences, but what about those couples celebrating their 40th year wedding anniversary, or that family with three under three and they are still so in love – it doesn’t have to turn bad and boring. However, now that I am the same age as those women, I also laugh at my former self. There is a very distinct line between thinking the world will be a perfect beautiful place, and then the truth of being in a relationship. I recently stumbled upon this gem – “24 Real Facts of Actual Couples…” I sat down and read it with some of my gal pals, also in relationships, and not only did we have a good, solid laugh, but we also almost threw up all over the place. This article was put together by someone who A. probably isn’t in a longterm real relationship or B. Doesn’t know what one is. So, we decided to combat this article and give you the actual REAL version of these 24 REAL couples. (more…)

We Want the Fairytale July 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Dating, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

Ross and Rachel. The Notebook. Marshall and Lily. Carrie and Big. Moulin Rouge. Cory and Topanga. Jim and Pam. Titanic. Romeo and Juliet. We idolize them, these fairytales, these couples that make our realities seem feasible and attainable. It’s not that we put a sheath over our eyes and pretend that all is perfect, and all will be perfect, but at the end of the day, it’s what every girl wants.

When you first start to like someone, or date someone, there are all these butterflies and exciting feelings running through your bloodstream. Every date is a new adventure, every night your head hits the pillow, so does your smile. It’s a very joyous time, and it fills us with hope and some blind ideas of what our life could be like in a couple of years; white picket fences and all that jazz. After that, one of two things happens, it turns sour and you break-up, or it turns out great and you stay together. After a some months, excitement turns more into pride, like you are so proud to say you’ve been in this relationship for a long time and you want to show your significant other off like a trophy. Having them pick you up from work, meet you for lunch, or attend your bosses dinner is like a badge of honor. If you’ve been dating a year or two, everything is more like routine, not to say you don’t love one another, not to go as far as saying your life is boring, but let’s face it, if you left your pump on a staircase your boyfriend would probably just yell out “Hey, moron, you did it again!…Come get your shoe, silly!”

Cinderella and Prince smaller correctIt sounds crazy, because we bury it deep inside, but girls, we want a fairytale. We know that things will become routine, we know that life won’t be perfect, and the only time it’s even acceptable to wear a tiara is maybe on your wedding (…and even then, questionable), but we want the moments that we can tell our future children about. That time that he surprised you with dinner at your favorite restaurant when you thought you were just going to a friend’s place for drinks; that necklace he got you for christmas, the one you had been dropping hints about for months; that day she came home with flowers, just because. Not every girl, not every women, but for the most part, we want cheesiness. For many of us, it’s hard to admit, it’s like some kind of anti-feminist defeat – “Ew, proposals on the end of a dock surrounded by lilies, so lame” but inside, even if it’s very far inside, we’re more like “OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, THAT’S SO PRETTY! SO SWEET! I WANT! AHHHH”. Let’s stop kidding ourselves here. We like it when men write us poems, even though they are really, really bad. We like it when our girlfriend or boyfriend make us a picture book of all our best memories, even though everyone does it.

No one wants to meet someone, have all those giddy feelings, and then just decide “Yup, he’s the one. So now my life can go back to being dull and lifeless.” Of course not! Romance is something everyone craves, romantic comedies are dumb, but we watch them – over, and over, and over, and over. Find that little girl, watching Cinderella all wide-eyed, and never let her go…and most of all, find a partner that loves that little girl too. Dreams can come true, sometimes it just takes a little nudging in the right direction.

The Sides of Needing Space June 23, 2014

Posted by doinglaundryinheels in Apartment Life, Dating, Family, GoodGuys File, Health and Fitness, Life Lessons/Growing Up, Men, Real World, Relationships, Women.
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The GoodGuys File

There are two types of people out there, those who need space and those who do not. Most people like to think they’re one kind, but are probably the other. So, what happens when you’re in a relationship and spending the majority, if not almost all, your time with the same person? What happens you ask? Fights, tension, lashing out or snapping for no good reason. Human beings weren’t meant to be alone, but they weren’t meant to be together 24/7 either. Finding the balance in a relationship is a fine line, but it isn’t an invisible one.

There are two sides to “I need space” and the only way to make it work, is to understand where the other person is coming from. For people who really do need space, it’s about feeling suffocated. People don’t necessarily want to be without you, they also don’t necessarily want to be alone, they just want some air. Like when you’re stuck in a crowded subway car, or a stuffy office building, you just want to get outside – it’s not that you don’t like where you are, or who you’re with, you just need some air. Space allows people to refocus on their relationship, or other things. For many people, they love their significant other so much, it can difficult to really get other things done while they’re together. They make excuses or procrastinate doing things because it’s easy to just hang out or go out when you’re with the person you like. Alone time lets them work on the other elements on their life like work, career, finances, family and friendships. Sometimes, space doesn’t even mean being alone, it means being apart. Visiting family for a week, going out with friends, or even going to work or out after work can be space. It’s a new setting, a new set of people, and if anything, it generally makes them miss being with you more.

Some people simply don’t need as much space as others, probably because they aren’t used to it. Maybe they are an only child, or have felt a lot of separation in their life. To them, needing space is a synonym for all sorts of things – it means not wanting to be with the other person, it means leaving, it brings up the anxiety of being alone, which for many people can be difficult. For people who aren’t used to being alone, or don’t have a need for it, hearing “I need space” is instantaneously negative. It makes them feel like they’ve done something wrong and they’re being punished, it creates a sense of insecurity and even fear. However, some people, they just don’t need space. They are people persons, they like being social, they like chatting and telling stories and laughing and being around people. Not to say that people who need space aren’t like this, but for some people, life is just boring without others.

So, what’s the right way to go about making it work? First rule of thumb; don’t deny people who need space. Telling someone you don’t want them to have time alone is the fastest way to start the beginning of the end. People don’t like being denied something that’s rightful theres, people also don’t like being bossed around. There are going to be moments, maybe fights, where space is the last thing you want but you’re going to have to let them have it because they need it, and your relationship needs it. Second rule of thumb; understanding people who don’t need space. Whether they have an emotional reaction to the word “space”, not like being alone, or simply want you to stop leaving every single time you need to take a breath, listen to them. See where they’re coming from and work to control how often you might need space. Walking away isn’t always the answer, sometimes things need to be handled together.